t h e r a p y

2009-10-04T00:35:00.003-04:00

Well, I had thought I would return to blogging after a break, but have decided to use my time elsewhere. Thanks so much for checking in here and feel free to check out the archives for posts on all kinds of topics!

taking a break

2009-07-12T23:38:00.004-04:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog you may have noticed that I have been somewhat absent as of late.

Having blogged for almost two full years, with a total of 423 posts (that's an average of just over 4 posts per week), I have decided it's time to re-evaluate my blog.

I will be taking break from blogging and pondering how I want to use this blog in the future. Many thanks to those who have joined with me in my blogging journey!

Check back after the summer as I plan to know better then what I want. In the meantime I will be counseling, hanging out with Jeff and Francine, having sinus surgery, and enjoying the summer.

Peace and Love,

~Joylene

things I do daily to be successful

2009-06-28T14:31:00.000-04:00

Recently my husband Jeff pointed out an interesting blog post to me on the things we do in life to be successful. The idea was for bloggers to write a post about the 5 - 10 things they do daily to be successful. The end result is a wonderful compilation list of the many things people do to be successful.

Now, I know I'm a little late in the game, but here is my list (in no particular order):

1. Spend time with people important to me. I spend time with my husband learning and growing together and even though my best friend lives across the country we talk on the phone regularly to encourage one another.

2. Allow myself "down time" to rest and rejuvenate. Because my job can be pretty intensive emotionally I give myself time each day to nurture myself and rest. I am a big believer in the importance of rest.

3. Read. I love to read and I read daily. Reading not only allows me relaxation time, but I am constantly learning and experiencing new things through the books and characters I spend time with.

4. Journal/meditate/pray. I combined these into one because that is how they work in my life. When I don't take the time for these things I find myself acting much less than the person I want to be.

5. Take care of my body. This includes things like getting enough sleep, going for walks, drinking a lot of water, eating fruits and veggies, and taking vitamins.

To read the compilation list of the top things folks do to be successful click here. I found it quite interesting.
What things do you do daily to be successful?

start with the end in mind

2009-06-23T14:18:00.011-04:00

I haven't been blogging as of late because I was out of town recently visiting my family in Southern California.

My grandma Harriet is 91 years old. My grandpa Warren is 89 years old.

Both have lived long full lives and do not appear afraid to die. They will leave legacies of an active faith and love for others. Spending time with my grandparents got me thinking about the shortness of life and the futility of so many of the things we spend our life doing.

I am asking:

What do you want people to remember you by?
What do you want your life result's to be?
Are you spending time on the most important things?

And so I am wondering what will be my legacy?

What will be your legacy?

social skills poll and FREE gift book givaway

2009-06-10T17:35:00.001-04:00

A little poll:

What is something you do regularly to help you get along with people and make friends?

- smile and look approachable

- listen well

- be interested in others

- ask good questions

- I don't do anything to get along with people

- I'm new here, what was the question?

- Something else not listed here

And just to make it interesting, everyone who comments will be entered into a drawing to win a FREE copy of the classic text How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Drawing will conclude on Friday, June 12th at 8pm eastern standard time. So make sure to comment now.

how to win friends and influence people

2009-06-05T12:00:00.001-04:00

In the last post I mentioned famous people skills trainer and author Dale Carnegie. His book How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic for those interested in bettering their social skills and I recommend it for folks struggling with dealing with people.

I found some basics from How to Win Friends and Influence People on wikipedia:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You:

Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a man's Name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in the terms of the other man's interest.
Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

If you don't have time to read his book this is a great summary, although I still recommend reading the whole book. It will give you a lot more punch and examples for why the skills are important. Click here.

Remember to Stay Positive

2009-06-02T17:05:00.005-04:00

It's easy to be negative when dealing with people. After all, when in social settings, it's not hard to notice people's flaws and critique them. But when you are negative a couple things can happen:

1. You might keep yourself from friendships because you are being overly critical.

2. You might find that people don't want to spend time with you, because your negativity is draining.

The famous author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie had this to say about staying positive:

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Wow. I love that quote.

An important skill in dealing with people is remember to stay positive.

a social skill disaster

2009-05-26T22:59:00.002-04:00

Saturday Night Live use to have a skit featuring a women who had something negative to say about everything. (the video will start after a short commercial, sorry I couldn't find a clip without a commercial...)

Have you ever spent time with a "Debbie Downer?" You know, the type of person that has something negative to say about everything? If the answer yes, let me ask a few questions:

Did you enjoy your time with that person?

Did you find it enjoyable or meaningful?

Or did you end up feeling worn out and drained of energy after the time spent?

Have you ever been guilty of being a Debbie Downer?

How do you think this impacts your relationships?

how to talk to people

2009-05-26T20:17:00.003-04:00

Being able to have a conversation with someone is an important social skill. Making small talk is important in getting to know someone, and networking with people can be important for making friends, social contacts, and for your career.

Here are some basic tips on how to start and have a great conversation:

1. Be genuinely interested in the person. Having a good conversation includes being interested in what the other person has to say. Show interest by positive eye contact, body posture, and facial expressions.

2. Consider starting with a compliment. Complimenting someone helps to break the ice with them, just make sure it is something you can be genuine about - otherwise it comes across as flattery. You might think they have great style or a cool bag, whatever it is compliment them and then ask a follow up question about it.

3. Ask good questions that require more than a yes or no answer. It's best not to start off with anything too personal. What are they interested in? What do they like to do for fun? Start out talking about basic facts of their life and their interests before launching into anything too in depth.

4. Listen. Show you are listening with your body posture. You might want to summarize what they said using active listening skills or even ask clarifying questions. All these things show you are listening and interested in the person. Don't interrupt the person or stop them mid-sentence.

5. Reciprocate by talking about yourself if the person is listening and appears interested. Just be careful not to talk about yourself too much or your many accomplishments. This can feel like you are talking more for yourself than for the sake of a conversation and it can make you appear insecure. If the person starts backing away or looking around a lot it might be a sign that they are less interested in the conversation.

There are some great websites out there with great information to help improve social skills and making friends. One I particularly like is called succeedsocially.com and the tagline is "free advice from a former shy awkward guy." I got the following questions from his website.

People who have trouble with conversations often have trouble in these areas. Ask yourself:

Is there anything about your personality or attitude that could use a tune-up?
Could you improve the impression you give off to other people, perhaps by improving your look?
Are you so socially inexperienced that you're uncomfortable and unfamiliar with most types of people?
Are you so socially inexperienced that you're too lacking in commonalities with most people in terms of implicitly shared knowledge, life experiences, and what not?
Could you benefit from knowing more things, or a wider range of things, or having more life experience, so you'd have more to talk about?

positive body language

2009-05-20T23:09:00.005-04:00

Up to 93% of communication is non-verbal. You might forget just how helpful these little behaviors really are in helping you get along socially:

1. Smile - smiling is a great way to show friendliness and openness to relationships.

2. Make eye contact - this allows you to seem approachable and confident.

3. Stand up straight with your head up - slouching or keeping your head down can communicate insecurity or not being open to relationships (but do relax your shoulders as this helps keep away tension).

4. Move slowly and be aware of nervous habits - avoid fidgeting or moving too fast as this again detracts from confidence.

5. Pay attention to your appearance - it's not necessary to be obsessed about appearance, but a little grooming goes a long way. Take care of all your grooming basics and wear clothes that fit you well and you feel confident and good about yourself in.

6. Be aware of personal space - stand about an arm's distance away from someone when talking with them. You don't want to be known as a "close talker" who invade someone's body space.

how to succeed SOCIALLY

2009-05-18T20:30:00.003-04:00

Do you ever feel anxious in social situations?

Or maybe you feel awkward with new people and have a hard time knowing how to have conversations?

I know that I have often wondered if I'm going to be able to have any interesting conversations with folks. Social skills is something that comes naturally to some people. Yet, for others, it's not quite that easy.

You see, getting along socially is a SKILL.

Sure, it says it in the name - Social Skills - but like many other things in life people don't realize that is possible to learn the skill of how to get along with people.

This week I am going to discuss developing successful social skills. You might be someone who

-realizes this is an area that needs work,
-has a child that needs work in this area,
-or you might feel confident in social skills,

just remember we all have things we can learn to get along better with folks.

interesting thoughts on beauty

2009-05-06T17:46:00.000-04:00

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. ~Author Unknown

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran

That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. ~Ninon de L'Enclos

It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness. ~Leo Tolstoy

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful. ~Karl Kraus

Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic. ~Rosalind Russell

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

beauty and image vs the most important things

2009-05-04T13:48:00.006-04:00

After reflecting on my previous post regarding young girls spending millions on beauty products I have found myself asking some questions. You see, although I'm a critical viewer of media I too am influenced by the focus on outer appearances.

In our society we are judged by our appearance. The popular show what not to wear will tell you if you don't have fashionable clothes that fit well you will not be taken seriously in your workplace. And in today's society that is probably true.

So I am left asking what is the balance between taking care of your body and image, and focusing on the most important things?

children BUYING beauty

2009-05-04T13:24:00.004-04:00

In our current society the value of good character has been replaced by the importance of image and beauty.

There was an article in Newsweek a while back called Generation Diva noting the trend of younger and younger girls using more and more beauty products and regiments. Here are some interesting quotes from the article:

"According to a NEWSWEEK examination of the most common beauty trends, by the time your 10-year-old is 50, she'll have spent nearly $300,000 on just her hair and face.

Eight- to 12-year-olds in this country already spend more than $40 million a month on beauty products, and teens spend another $100 million, according the NPD Group. This trend seems unaffected by the tanking economy: cosmetic surgery procedures dipped slightly last year, but cosmetics sales have increased between 1 and 46 percent, depending on the product, according to the Nielsen Co.

New statistics from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery show that cosmetic- surgery procedures performed on those 18 and younger have nearly doubled over the past decade.

A lifetime of manis and pedis could cover four years at a public university; hair and face treatments would pay for a private college."

I'm not sure what your stance is on young women and beauty products (or even older women and beauty procedures), but I continue to be concerned that our society's main focus for girls is appearance. I recently read all of the works of Jane Austen and there is a striking difference between the heroines of Austen and the heroines in today's stories. Notably, Austen's famous characters are consumed with good character, while the girls in today's stories seem to be consumed with outward appearances.

This is of course, no accident. We live in a consumer driven economy, and young women are being marketed to with an increasingly greater vengeance. Yet I keep asking myself....

"Is this the legacy that we want young women to aspire to? Endless physical beauty?"

the HUGE importance of friendship

2009-04-29T21:20:00.003-04:00

I just read the UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women.

Wow. I know I already knew this, but friendships are so important!
"Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. There's no doubt, says Dr. Klein, that friends are helping us live longer.

In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

The researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight...

Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our lives,

why is it so hard to find time to be with them?"

For the full article click here.

the secret ingredient for a better marriage

2009-04-28T21:32:00.003-04:00

I read a great blog post today about spicing up your marriage by changing your routine.

I love some of the suggestions given in the list such as number 5: Ask your spouse out on a date. Actually call them up. Ask them out. Dress for a date. Show up at the front door. Bring flowers. Hold the door for them. Who knows where this idea could lead.

Nice.

Anyway, you might want to check out the author's website at simplemarriage.net or the full article at zenhabits.net.

help yourself now with the basics of positive mental health

2009-04-27T18:48:00.006-04:00

When folks come to see me for problems with depression and anxiety I usually recommend some very basic things that help with mood and mental health.

Here's my list of the basics of good health and taking care of oneself:

**As much as possible try to get up in the morning and go to bed in the evening at the same time every day (erratic sleeping can greatly affect mood and mental health)

**Get some moderate exercise daily - even if it's just a fifteen minute walk around the block

**Spend time outside getting some fresh air and especially sunshine (try to get around ten minutes of sunshine daily)

**Eat nourishing nutritious food - focus on lots of fruits and veggies and limit trans fats and processed foods (but try not to obsess about it)

**Drink lots of water and limit caffeine and alcohol

**take an omega 3 supplement such as fish oil or flax oil (research has shown the benefits of these on your brain and mood) or make sure you get enough omega 3s in your diet

**resist the temptation to isolate yourself - spend time with your friends and family on a regular basis

Doing these basics of self care may not solve your problems or difficulties, but they will definitely help your mental health. And you might be surprised at how much these little things will add up to you feeling better sooner.

For further information check out this article on tips for positive mental health.

Are you following these basics of good health?
If not, what is preventing you from taking care of yourself in this way?

Give LIFE to your teen

2009-04-16T16:57:00.000-04:00

I get regular e-mail updates from Gary Chapman (author of the 5 love languages).

Considering what I said recently on focusing on the good with teens I found this to be too good not to pass on....

Look for ways to encourage your teen. Praise them for their efforts, not for perfection. "I appreciate the time you spent mowing the grass." Is far better than "You didn't get the grass in the corner."

Try affirming your teen in the presence of the rest of the family. "I want everyone to know that I'm proud of Brad and what he did last night. He is an example for all of us." The teen will remember these words long after you have forgotten them. Affirming words give life to your teenager. Find your teen doing something good and praise him.

more thoughts on forgiveness

2009-04-14T20:37:00.003-04:00

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love. Gandhi

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves. Sidney and Suzanne Simmon

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. Cherie Carter-Scott

The man who opts for revenge should dig two graves. Chinese proverb

Peace is not possible without forgiveness. Naomi Drew

how to forgive

2009-04-13T16:37:00.004-04:00

As I mentioned in the previous post, sometimes a person wants to forgive but doesn't know where to start. As I stated, I think the first step is to ask God to teach us how to forgive and to open our hearts to forgive. There are further steps you can take on the path to forgiveness.

While looking for information on forgiveness I also came across this great article on forgiveness. The article discusses expressing yourself, finding the positive, cultivating empathy, protecting yourself from further harm and moving on, and getting help if you need it.

I find that one of the most powerful steps to forgiveness is choosing to have empathy.

"Instead of seeing them as ‘the enemy,’ try to understand the factors that they were dealing with. Were they going through a particularly difficult time in their lives? Have you ever made similar mistakes? Try to remember the other person’s good qualities, assume that their motives were not to purposely cause you pain (unless you have clear indicators otherwise), and you may find it easier to forgive." (for the full article click here)

In teaching conflict resolution skills with couples one of the most important steps is having empathy for the other person and attempting to view things from their perspective. We all come at life from different viewpoints, and putting yourself in another person's shoes helps to understand and begin forgiveness.

What steps have you found helpful in the journey of forgiveness?

teach me to forgive

2009-04-08T01:29:00.002-04:00

I heard this song on the radio today. It's an old song. I've heard it many times. But it made me cry. I think these words are so powerful:

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you.

It's so true. We do hurt ourselves when we hurt others or refuse to forgive them. Bitterness eats away at the soul and hurts our physical, mental, relational and spiritual health. The opposite is also true: when we forgive we are better off in all aspects of life.

I think often times we want to forgive. We don't want to hold on to old hurts and blame others. Yet, it can be hard to know where to start. Sometimes we don't feel like we have the strength to let go of deep wounds.

And maybe we don't.

At times I think the only thing we can do is ask God for the strength to let go. Sometimes it is the simple cry in prayer: God, teach me to forgive.

the power in acceptance

2009-04-06T02:42:00.006-04:00

Do you have someone you know loves you? Someone you know will accept you no matter what happens or what you go through? A person you know will care for you through thick and thin?

LOVE of this kind is powerful.

Knowing you are accepted and valued changes the way you think about yourself and your life.

[In fact, I was taught in training to become a therapist that the most important part of the counselor relationship is to have positive regard for your clients. There is nothing more healing than unconditional acceptance.]

I think we humans crave that type of love. We long to know that we are cherished not just for what we do and can give to others.

I think this is what makes the story of the gospel so powerful: Because of Jesus, God the Creator loves us and accepts us. And as demonstrated through the story of the prodigal son, God is waiting for us with a willing heart regardless of our poor choices.

I've been asking God to give me that kind of love for the people in my life.

So I am wondering (if you have experienced it) how has unconditional acceptance changed your life?

pay attention to the good

2009-04-02T20:54:00.006-04:00

I counsel a lot of teenagers. I see teenagers with behavior problems, depression, anxiety, self-injury, and other difficulties.

Despite whatever their problem may be, I see many teens that believe they will never be able to please their parents. They feel like they can never be good enough. And so, after a while, many teens simply quit trying.

Here's a reminder for us all: Remember to focus on all the things your teens are doing RIGHT.

It's really easy to focus on problems while forgetting to acknowledge and encourage strengths (well, this happens in other relationships too!). I know I'm guilty of this.

Today I'm reminding myself to encourage all the good things about the folks in my life. If you have teens, please take the time to praise their efforts. I know that it means a lot.

advertising infidelity

2009-04-02T00:24:00.007-04:00

I recently saw a television commercial for a dating website* specifically for married people looking to have affairs. Their motto is -

"Life is Short. Have an Affair."

Wow.

This is some more marketing from their site:

"Are you Married but Looking? Feeling neglected and in need of some excitement? You came to the right place."

Apparently this dating service has been featured on Oprah, Larry King, FOX News, 20/20, Ellen DeGeneres, and Dr. Phil so you may have already heard about it. They also have a number of billboards advertising their services.

At first I was surprised about an advertisement for an affair. But after I thought about it I just felt sad. The website brags on having over 3,585,000 members. I think of all the hurt, lies, and broken promises in those marriages. I think about the children who I know are impacted by their parent's broken relationship.

I am wondering what this says about the value of commitment in our society. And I wonder what underlying impact an advertisement encouraging infidelity will have on our mindset.

So I am going to encourage the opposite:
Life is short. Don't waste time on things you will regret.

If you're feeling neglected or in need of excitement work on your relationship with your spouse. And if you're stuck then seek out help. I've seen many couples go from being on the verge of separation to being highly satisfied in their relationship. An affair is not the answer.

*I'm not citing the name of the company or website because I don't want to give them any additional advertising. Also, if you don't like seeing an ad for affairs consider contacting the network you saw the ad on. A major network said they chose not to pull the ads because they had no customer complaints.

who cares about a little cellulite?

2009-03-31T23:36:00.004-04:00

I've posted before about the crazy amount of air brushing that happens with pictures of women in the media.

[I think it's important to remind ourselves that real women don't look like the women on the covers of magazines - they are photo-shopped to society's ideals of "perfection". Even our beloved celebrities don't look that good in real life.]

Anyway, celebrity Kim Kardashian posted a pre-photoshopped picture of herself from her Complex magazine photoshoot to her blog saying she is aware she has cellulite and "which curvy girl doesn't?"

I like that we can see examples of the air brushing that happens, but I'm more glad that a celebrity is actually talking about it being okay to have cellulite. Nice.

Here's the before and after:

back to posting

2009-03-31T23:31:00.002-04:00

So I'm still sick with this sinus infection but I've started on some heavy duty antibiotics so I'm hoping I'll be kicking this infection to the curb soon!

2009-03-26T13:07:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't been posting this week. I've been really sick with a sinus infection. I hope to be back here soon though!

many teens believe dating violence justified

2009-03-19T20:36:00.003-04:00

I am guessing that most of you have heard about the situation between pop stars Rihanna and Chris Brown. Brown has been charged with two felonies for allegedly attacking Rihanna. The story was such big news that even Oprah devoted an entire show to the issue of Rihanna and Chris Brown and domestic violence.

In this situation concerning dating violence a very concerning article came out earlier this week reporting:

"Nearly half of the 200 Boston teenagers interviewed for an informal poll said pop star Rihanna was responsible for the beating she allegedly took at the hands of her boyfriend, fellow music star Chris Brown, in February."

Apparently quite a lot of teens felt that the woman was responsible for being brutally assaulted.

"Of the teens questioned, more than half said both Brown, 19, and Rihanna, 21, were equally responsible for the assault. More than half said the media were treating Brown unfairly, and 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for the incident."

I think part of the problem is the large number of teens who have witnessed violence in their own homes. Apparently we need to continue working at educating teens about the problem of dating violence and what is okay in a relationship.

If you have teens have you had a conversation with them about what is healthy and acceptable in a relationship?

State's Report Card on Mental Health

2009-03-18T15:53:00.003-04:00

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) recently came out with a report card on state's mental health care. As you can imagine in this time of economic uncertainty and with many budget cuts the grades were altogether not good.

According to NAMI:

"Our national mental health care system is in crisis.

Budget cuts are coming at a time when mental health services are even more urgently needed.

One in four Americans experience mental illness at some point in their lives. The most serious conditions affect 10.6 million people.

Mental illness is the greatest cause of disability in the nation, and twice as many Americans live with schizophrenia than with HIV/AIDS."

I have been talking about the problems with state mental health care for a while and so I am not surprised at this report, but I am concerned.

For the full report click here. To find out what you can do to help click here.

yep. I still love some Dilbert.

2009-03-16T20:05:00.003-04:00

On the first day back to work after my vacation it just seemed fitting to start with some fun...

Am I the only one out there who has dozens of friends going on and on about how much they love their iphones?

hiatus

2009-03-08T22:40:00.003-04:00

I am a big fan of vacations.

I think vacations preserve mental health, are a great way to take care of yourself and connect with your loved ones, and help prevent burnout.

I am happy to say I will be vacationing this week. I'll be back to blogging next week.

thankful Thursday

2009-03-05T20:16:00.003-05:00

During times of economic uncertainty I think it is particularly helpful to continue fostering an attitude of gratitude.

One of my friends recently told me she felt discontent in life. Not being able to afford the finer things in life was taking a toll on her and she was resentful. My friend said that all changed when she read The Grapes of Wrath. While reading about the poor folks from Oklahoma who had lost their homes and farms and struggled to find housing, food, and clothing my friend began to realize just how good she has it.

I re-read The Grapes of Wrath this past summer and felt very much the same way. When I think about how little so many people have, I realize anew how very rich I am.

I have the necessities of life in abundance. I have more than I could need. And for this and more, I am so grateful.

What fosters your gratefulness?

how to make friends

2009-03-04T22:53:00.003-05:00

I came across a great blog post today: 10 Ways to Make Friends.

I liked it because let's face it - it can be hard to make friends when you're an adult (especially when you're new to an area).

And as I have said previously, having friends is an important part of mental health.

To read the post click here.

sex objects

2009-03-03T15:21:00.002-05:00

I read an article recently on research demonstrating the link between what men see and how they view women.

Here's an exerpt -

Researchers used brain scans to show that when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated.

Scans of some of the men found that a part of the brain associated with empathy for other peoples' emotions and wishes shut down after looking at the pictures.

Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University in New Jersey, said the changes in brain activity suggest sexy images can shift the way men perceive women, turning them from people to interact with, to objects to act upon.

This is not very surprising to me. I think it is a lie to believe we are not impacted by images we see. However, this particular study was concerning to me for a couple of reasons.

First, how many images do you think men see daily where women are portrayed in a sexy way? Probably quite a lot, right? I'm thinking of all the billboards I see as I drive home that feature a women in a bikini marketing a gym, a women scantily clad marketing beer, etc (not including all the tv, magazine, and internet ads we're all bombarded).

Second, if men viewing these sexy images then have more trouble empathizing with women and seeing women as people, not objects, that impacts their behavior towards women. If a women is viewed as an object and not a person I think it would be a lot easier to rationalize demeaning behaviors and violence.

For the full article click here.

What do you think? Are you concerned?

10 things parents can do to help prevent eating disorders

2009-02-26T17:54:00.003-05:00

1. Consider your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors toward your own body and the way that these beliefs have been shaped by the forces of weightism and sexism. Then educate your children about (a) the genetic basis for the natural diversity of human body shapes and sizes and (b) the nature and ugliness of prejudice.
- Make an effort to maintain positive attitudes and healthy behaviors. Children learn from the things you say and do!

2. Examine closely your dreams and goals for your children and other loved ones. Are you overemphasizing beauty and body shape, particularly for girls?
- Avoid conveying an attitude which says in effect, “I will like you more if you lose weight, don’t eat so much, look more like the slender models in ads, fit into smaller clothes, etc.”
- Decide what you can do and what you can stop doing to reduce the teasing, criticism, blaming,
staring, etc. that reinforce the idea that larger or fatter is “bad” and smaller or thinner is “good.”

3. Learn about and discuss with your sons and daughters (a) the dangers of trying to alter one’s bodyshape through dieting, (b) the value of moderate exercise for health, and (c) the importance of eating a variety of foods in well-balanced meals consumed at least three times a day.
- Avoid categorizing and labeling foods (e.g. good/bad or safe/dangerous). All foods can be
eaten in moderation.
- Be a good role model in regard to sensible eating, exercise, and self-acceptance.

4. Make a commitment not to avoid activities (such as swimming, sunbathing, dancing, etc.) simply because they call attention to your weight and shape. Refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that you don’t like but wear simply because they divert attention from your weight or shape.

5. Make a commitment to exercise for the joy of feeling your body move and grow stronger, not to purge fat from your body or to compensate for calories, power, excitement, popularity, or perfection.

6. Practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do, not for how slender or “well put together” they appear.

7. Help children appreciate and resist the ways in which television, magazines, and other media distort the true diversity of human body types and imply that a slender body means power, excitement, popularity, or perfection.

8. Educate boys and girls about various forms of prejudice, including weightism, and help them
understand their responsibilities for preventing them.

9. Encourage your children to be active and to enjoy what their bodies can do and feel like. Do not limit their caloric intake unless a physician requests that you do this because of a medical problem.

10. Do whatever you can to promote the self-esteem and self-respect of all of your children in intellectual, athletic, and social endeavors. Give boys and girls the same opportunities and encouragement. Be careful not to suggest that females are less important than males, e.g., by exempting males from housework or childcare. A well-rounded sense of self and solid self-esteem are perhaps the best antidotes to dieting and disordered eating.

These steps were written by Michael Levine, PhD, reprinted with permission. For more info go to nationaleatingdisorders.org.

National Eating Disorders Association Info

2009-02-24T18:44:00.002-05:00

National Eating Disorders Association from NEDA on Vimeo.

The National Eating Disorders Association has wonderful resources for individuals or loved ones struggling with an eating disorder. Click here to go to their website: www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

2009-02-23T20:18:00.002-05:00

Questions PSA from NEDA on Vimeo.

drive through happiness

2009-02-22T00:57:00.005-05:00

We all want our quick fix. And some healing can be found in a short amount of time. But deep growth takes longer.

Remember the principle of the acorn and the oak tree - it doesn't take long to grow an acorn but it takes time to develop an oak tree.

Do you want to be an acorn or an oak tree?

the magic of online dating

2009-02-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

I read somewhere that soon more couples will be together from meeting online than through meeting other ways. In our technological society this makes sense to me. Sure, we might wish we could meet our life partner through a friend or by growing up together. But for many folks this just doesn't happen.

It makes sense that if you spend time with the same people all the time (none of whom you see as potential partners) that it could be difficult to meet someone new you might be interested in. A family member of mine read a book a while back about putting yourself in new experiences so that you could meet someone and get to know them. The idea makes sense to me. If you don't ever put yourself out there how do you expect to meet someone new?

This is why the idea of folks meeting on the internet doesn't bother me. In our society it is a very real way to meet new people.

I have quite a lot of friends that I know mainly online. I have blogger friends, message board friends, and facebook friends. It is true that I don't know if the people are presenting themselves accurately and so it helps to be cautious (I have heard that a large number of folks on certain dating sites are actually married). And if I had children I would be very cautious about this kind of thing.

However, there are now dating sites that screen folks to assist in the dating online process. I have known a number of friends who have met their partners on sites such as eharmony (I know you've seen the commercials...).

And yet, despite living in a technological society where it can be hard to meet people, many folks longing to be in a relationship refuse to consider meeting someone via the internet. I have some ideas about why this is. And yet I don't really understand it.

So let me ask - If you were single and looking for a relationship, would you consider getting to know folks via the internet? Why or why not?

Stop Shoulding Yourself

2009-02-16T17:22:00.001-05:00

There was a time in my life when I would tell myself a lot of "shoulds".

You know....

I should do this.

I should do that.

I should should should should.

It didn't make me feel very good. Instead, with shoulds I usually ended up feeling guilty and overextended.

The problem with shoulds, is that it can put a lot of false expectations, guilt, and negativity on a person. In fact, folks with anxiety and depression tend to have a lot of shoulds in their heads. Often they feel guilty about not measuring up to all the things they ought to do or be.

And I always wonder who says? Who says that you should do or not do something? A lot of times society or people in our lives put pressure on us to be a certain way - and it is often unrealistic and not what's best.

Instead of saying I should do something, I think a better way to express ourselves is to say

I want....

or

I think the right thing to do is...

or

I will...

Do you see the different between saying I should do something versus saying I want to do something because it is the right thing to do? The latter is a more powerful statement that allows you to take responsibility rather than have false expectations or guilt about how you think you ought to be.

Do you have a lot of shoulds in your life? Where do those expectations come from? Do they help you to accomplish goals or just make you feel guilty for what you're not doing?

Stopping the shoulds is one way of stopping negative thinking.

parenting help?

2009-02-11T20:30:00.002-05:00

Toothpaste for dinner did this awesome comic. And isn't it so true?

And yet I recommend parenting books all the time...

family meetings

2009-02-10T23:33:00.003-05:00

Beth Taylor had a great post today about family communication. She gives a great example of how to foster openness and communication in a family (which includes teenagers).

Definitely check it out by clicking here.

top 60 church blogs

2009-02-04T18:39:00.005-05:00

I also recently came across a list from Church Relevance on the

top 60 church blogs.

I'm interested in checking out more of these sites. Some I have been reading for some time and I will say that the discussions can be interesting.

To check out this list click here.

And sorry, I just like the pic.

top 100 mental health blogs

2009-02-04T18:32:00.002-05:00

I recently came across Online University Reviews list of the

top 100 mental health blogs.

There are some great looking resources on this list.

To check it out click here.

resources for intuitive eating

2009-02-02T18:56:00.008-05:00

For those who are interested in learning more about intuitive eating there are several great books that deal with the subject. Intuitive eating is a treatment for eating disorders - but it also applies to most Americans who've developed a pattern of disordered eating.

When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies was one of the first books I read on the topic and is a great introduction. It gives a lot of empowering information on overcoming an obsession with food and weight. The authors also have a website which you might find interesting www.overcomingovereating.com.

I really like this second book on the topic and I think Geneen Roth has wonderful insight. She has written a number of books on the subject that are all good, but Breaking Free from Emotional Eating gives great strategies to learn how to break the dieting cycle and begin to eat intuitively. Geneen also has a website at www.geneenroth.com.

And of course there is the book called Intuitive Eating. It was from these author's website www.intuitiveeating.com - that I got the principles of intuitive eating. The book will give you much more information and details on how you can implement intuitive eating.

There are many other books, websites, and coaches that you can find to help you implement intuitive eating if you find that you want to work more on issues related to eating (without dieting!). However, these will get you started.

You may also find when you begin to look deeper at your relationship with food and your body that you have some difficulties to overcome. A counselor educated in intuitive eating and eating disorders can work with you on finding healing from emotional eating or the destructive diet and binge patterns in our society.

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

2009-01-30T00:21:00.004-05:00

[These principles are from intuitiveeating.com]

1. Reject the Diet Mentality Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.

2. Honor Your Hunger Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.

3. Make Peace with Food Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.

4. Challenge the Food Police Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating under 1000 calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.

5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?

6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence--the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you've had "enough".

7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won't fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.

8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.

9. Exercise--Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

10 Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition. Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It's what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.

Intuitive eating is not so popular

2009-01-28T14:00:00.000-05:00

Intuitive eating is not popular. I think this is for a number of reasons:

1. We have all been brainwashed to think that we all need to diet (it's all over the media).

2. We have learned to distrust ourselves with food - so we think we have to institute strict rules about what we do and don't eat.

3. It's easier to start a new diet that tells you exactly what you can and can't do. It is much more difficult and time consuming to address the issues related to emotional eating and the pain that is often behind it - and take the time to re-learn how to listen to your body.

Yet, intuitive eating works. Research done on intuitive eating found that in general, high intuitive eating scores were associated with an

increase in the enjoyment and pleasure of food,

lower bmi scores, and

fewer dieting behaviors and food anxieties. (Smith and Hawks, 06)

I will discuss more on how to implement intuitive eating tomorrow.

intuitive eating

2009-01-27T18:20:00.002-05:00

Instead of dieting, I am in favor of intuitive eating.

What is intuitive eating?

Intuitive eating is an approach that teaches you how to create a healthy relationship with your food, mind, and body--where you ultimately become the expert of your own body. You learn how to distinguish between physical and emotional feelings, and gain a sense of body wisdom.

It's also a process of making peace with food---so that you no longer have constant "food worry" thoughts. It's knowing that your health and your worth as a person does not change because you ate a so-called "bad" or "fattening" food.

On the surface this may sound simplistic, but it is rather complex. For example one of the basic principles of Intuitive Eating is the ability to respond to inner body cues, “Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full”, which may sound like a no-brainer. But when you have history of chronic dieting or rigid “healthy” rules about eating it's quite difficult because a number of things need to be in place, including the ability to trust yourself! (intuitiveeating.com)

diets

2009-01-26T19:20:00.005-05:00

If you have been following this blog, you know that I am not a fan of diets. I think that diets create an unrealistic restrict and then binge attitude towards food. And studies are with me on this, indicating that after 5 years 95% of folks will have gained back all the weight they loss and more.

Research demonstrates that a decrease in dieting decreases risks of obesity and eating disorders. Dieting increases our obsession with food and eating. This is the opposite of what the diet industry would tell you. (and by the way, there is a popular diet group that emphasizes that diets don't work, and that this particular type of diet is not a diet, but let's be honest here - it IS.) Of course the diet industry is biased considering all the $$ they make off all of us trying to figure out this food thing.

So what is there to do if you have a problem with eating or need to live healthier?

Stay tuned because we will be discussing all of this and more this week.

For now tell me: What do you think about diets?

Does it trigger something in you when you are told diets are not THE way to approach eating?

Budget cuts to state mental health

2009-01-22T14:40:00.003-05:00

We all know the economy has not been going so great lately. And due to this budget cuts in government are likely. According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution,

"The budget for mental health was trimmed in several areas, despite heightened awareness of problems across the state. The spending plan for this fiscal year and next contains a combined $15 million in cuts to mental health services for children and adolescents, consumer advocates say. And there was no new money in the budget for the state’s psychiatric hospitals, even though Georgia reached an agreement last week with the U.S. Department of Justice to improve care in those facilities."

I have written about the difficulty with state hospitals in Georgia before and I'm very concerned about budget cuts to state mental health. I'm concerned because there have already been so many problems with Georgia state mental health and now the governor is proposing cutting the budget further.

I'm not sure what the answer to the problem is. I'm not sure where funding can come from during the tight economic time. But I do know that I hate to see these marginalized people in society going without much needed care.

in honor of MLK

2009-01-19T20:48:00.002-05:00

One person has the power to initiate change.

Breakaway 09

2009-01-19T20:28:00.004-05:00

This past weekend I was at a retreat called Breakaway (put on by Family Discipleship Ministries). It was my second year attending and definitely a time of refreshment for me.

There is power in being in a group of loving authentic people.

A shout-out and big thank you to those who put in the hard work for the retreat!

2 of the folks from Family Discipleship Ministries have blogs that you might want to check out:

bethbrawleytaylor.blogspot.com

ednbeth.blogspot.com

on wishes

2009-01-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

When we finally get a wish granted.... Is it as good as we hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? OR do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?
- Meridith Grey "Grey's Anatomy"

As I listened to this quote at the beginning of Grey's last week, I realized how often we don't take the time to appreciate and enjoy when good things happen.

So rarely in life do we take time to celebrate our successes, accomplishments, answers to prayer, and dreams that come true. Instead, we find ourselves always wanting more. Praying for the next thing. Hoping for circumstances to change.

Never content.

I don't want to live life always wanting more. I want to... bask in the warm glow...

is there such a thing as too much pink?

2009-01-15T16:09:00.000-05:00

I recently read an article in the BBC news about researchers debating if too much pink is bad for girls. I have to admit that pink is EVERYWHERE for girls.

Just walk down the "girls" toy isle. (I still think it's a little funny to have all gender specific toys. Wasn't there a time when toys could be for boys AND girls?)

Still, I highly doubt that wearing pink will cause trouble for girls. Instead, I think problems come when we have too strict of ideas of what it means to be a girl versus boy.

I wonder about our socially constructed ideas and stereotypes about gender. It seems much marketing to children aims to further particular social stereotypes that can be problematic for both girls and boys. I looked into the top toys recommended for girls in 2008 and the top 5 all had to do with jewelry, fashion, make-up, makeovers, and food.

An interesting and little known fact is that society used to find pink far too powerful for girls and believed that the color blue was more dainty and feminine. It's funny how our ideas can be socially prescribed.

What do you think? Is there ever such a thing as too much pink?

the line

2009-01-14T15:56:00.003-05:00

I found this interesting quick video that demonstrates the close line between love and control in a dating relationship.

I've talked to many girls who find this kind of behavior "sweet" because they believe it demonstrates that their boyfriend must really love them to be so concerned.

What do you think?

help for domestic violence

2009-01-13T12:42:00.005-05:00

**Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

**Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.

**Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year. (endabuse.org)The statistics can be overwhelming, to say the least.

Most of us know someone who has suffered from partner abuse. Domestic violence is all too prevalent. Not only do I see married women who are abused, but I've also seen many teen girls who are in abusive relationships. If you have children make sure and educate them about what is okay and NOT okay in relationships. And if you are in an abusive situation, please know there is help.

Here are some warning signs of abuse:

Does your partner:

Insult you in public and private?
Check up on where you've been and whom you've talked to?
Put down your friends and family?
Limit where you can go and what you can do?
Destroy your belongings?
Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
Touch you in a way that hurts your or scares you?

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
If you are being hurt by your partner, it is NOT your fault. You deserve to be safe and healthy. For help and information anytime, contact:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

www.ndvh.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

TTY 1-800-787-3224

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline

www.loveisrespect.org 1-866-331-9474

TTY 1-866-331-8453

help for insomnia

2009-01-12T18:38:00.005-05:00

Insomnia is a pretty common problem these days.

Approximately 10-20% of people suffer from insomnia. Only 35% of Americans sleep eight hours or more per night during the work week. About 56% have one or more symptoms of insomnia a few nights a week or more.

Trouble sleeping can be from a variety of problems, and it is also a symptom of depression. I don't know about you all, but when I haven't gotten enough rest I feel plain ol' grouchy!

I recently came across a great article on helping insomnia. I like it because it incorporates all the major aspects of helping insomnia that I teach folks, and the tips have been researched.

To view the article, Sleep like a baby, wake like a baker, click here.

thankful Thursday

2009-01-08T15:46:00.003-05:00

Once again, here's my continuing attempts to foster a spirit of gratitude - not just at Thanksgiving, but throughout the year.

Today's top 5 thankful list:

1. my husband and partner in life
2. my support sytem - friends, family, and yes, dog
3. my job. yep, I like it
4. nutritious food
5. resources

What tops your list of thankful things today?

don't give up just yet

2009-01-08T15:22:00.006-05:00

Well, the New Year is heavily upon us. I'm guessing that many of you are wondering how we managed to almost make it 10 years into this new century. (I know I am!)

We've made it past our first week in the New Year so I have to ask, "How are your resolutions going?" Remember that if you want to change it can take several tries before habits are changed. So if you have slipped up don't give up too soon.

On that note, I have noticed that one of the problems marriages have is that couples give up on their relationship too soon. Research has shown that if couples in crisis stay together and work things out - the vast majority report high satisfaction in their relationships 5 years later. It takes some time, but most couples report the hard work is worth avoiding a painful divorce and rescuing love and commitment.

As a marriage counselor I have the unique privilege of helping couples on the brink of divorce find their way back towards marital satisfaction. It is the most wonderful job to help folks restore their love and devotion to one another. And trust me, it can happen!

All that to say, if you are struggling...

Keep Trying,

Don't Give up Hope, and

Keep the Faith.

Resolutions

2008-12-31T00:16:00.006-05:00

Happy New Year! (almost)

If you will be setting any New Year's Resolutions this year you might be interested in doing a little reading on the Psychology of New Year's Resolutions.

Popular resolutions include the following:

* Lose Weight
* Manage Debt
* Save Money
* Get a Better Job
* Get Fit
* Eat Right
* Get a Better Education
* Drink Less Alcohol
* Quit Smoking Now
* Reduce Stress Overall
* Reduce Stress at Work
* Take a Trip
* Volunteer to Help Others

Apparently, in research on resolutions, men achieved their goal 22% more often when they engaged in goal setting, a system where small measurable goals are used (lose a pound a week, instead of saying "lose weight"), while women succeeded 10% more when they made their goals public and got support from their friends. (wiki)

Do you have any resolutions for the New Year?

2008-12-28T01:44:00.004-05:00

While Christmas can be a wonderful joyful time for many people, I know this is not true for everyone.

For many it can accentuate the pain, sadness, or loneliness of difficult days.

If you have been struggling this holiday season or missing someone you love(ed) this post is for you.

Please remember to take good care of yourself.

Allow yourself time to grieve.

And take time to do the things that you find nurturing to your soul.

May you find hope in a new year.

2008-12-25T01:45:00.000-05:00

Wishing you peace, hope, and of course LOVE.

3 Things the Happiest Women do:

2008-12-21T22:22:00.006-05:00

According to a survey by Real Simple magazine...

1. They cancel appointments to get more time alone.

2. They don't always answer the phone.

3. They know how to say no.

This sounds like a woman with boundaries to me...

I think I'm finally getting in the holiday spirit.

2008-12-21T22:00:00.003-05:00

This is what my afternoon entailed:

**Washing Francine and trimming her hair. (I'd put up a pic of my pretty girl but our camera is rebelling.)
**A trip with Francine and my dear husband to the pet store to get dog food and to look for a boyfriend for Francine. (She decided there were no quality prospects.)
**A trip to a couple stores to get presents for dear husband's staff Christmas party in the morning.
**A brief stop at Starbucks for hot cocoa. (it was peppermint hot cocoa actually. yum.)
**Writing out Christmas cards and thank you notes (oops, last minute, but at least it's done!)
**Wrapping presents and getting boxes ready for the mail.

Only 3 and a half days to go till Christmas. :)

What is Success?

2008-12-19T01:16:00.005-05:00

I'm guessing you may have seen this quiz before. It's been circulating through the *forward* e-mail system for a while. Sometimes it's attributed to Charles Schulz. It was not created by the Peanuts cartoonist, but I like this forward.

Why? Because it reminds us that we don't have to be THE BEST to make an impact on others. We just have to care.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials... The most money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most.

this was for charity

2008-12-19T00:00:00.001-05:00

I recommend Hotels Combined and sent $20 to World Vision!

So apparently there is a new website that combines all the hotel sites to tell you which deals are the best from every site.

Why am I mentioning this here? Because if I blog about it and let them know, they will donate $20 to World Vision. Not a bad deal. And I checked out the website, and it did seem that they have some pretty sweet deals.

To go to the website home click here.

To go to the page that says how you can have them donate $$ to your charity click here.

the perfect woman?

2008-12-17T23:13:00.002-05:00

Apparently a man in Canada has made a female robot named Aiko.

The creator said: “Aiko doesn’t need holidays, food or rest, and will work almost 24 hours a day. She is the perfect woman.”

Hmmm. Not my idea of a perfect woman.

What do you think?

For the full story click here.

how awesome is your Christmas Sweater?

2008-12-16T23:08:00.003-05:00

So I found this very funny post over at Stuff Christians Like.... It was too funny not to repost...

Official Point System of Sweater Christmaweseomeness:

1. If your sweater has a nativity scene = +1 point

2. If your sweater has lights on it = +1 point

3. If your light is for Rudolph’s nose = -1 point

4. If your light is for the star of Bethlehem over your nativity scene = +4 points

5. If your sweater has actual bells and whistles from the Polar Express tied on by pieces of yarn = +2 points

6. If you can hear the bells = -2 points

7. If every time one of the bells rings, you get excited because an angel just got its wings = + 1 point

8. If your sweater has Luke 2 written out on it (the entire chapter) = +3 points

9. If it is KJV = +2 points

10. If it is actually a puff paint sweatshirt, which is really just a Christmas sweater wannabe = -3 points

11. If your sweater was knitted from the wool of a Bethlehemian sheep = +5 points

12. If you have more than 5 snowmen/women on your sweater = +2 points (+1 point for each additional snowperson)

13. If any of your snowmen are inspired by Calvin and Hobbes = +4 points

14. If it is a maternity sweater that reads “Mary is My Homegirl” = +10 points

15. If your sweater has stockings with your kids’ names on it = +1 point for each child

16. If the stockings are your kids’ used socks = -2 points for each sock

17. If it has a 3-D hologram of baby Jesus on it = +3 points

18. If it has candy canes on it = -4 points… I’m going to use this platform of SCL to take a stand against candy canes, a.k.a. carnage canes. Candy canes become sharp and dangerous once licked. It's like putting an ice pick in your mouth and poking it around. I'm sorry, but if I want the flavors of mint and blood to mix in my mouth, I'll go to the dentist. This injustice needs to stop now, so we're starting a boycott of candy canes effective immediately. I think it’s the Southern Baptist roots in me that really wanted to start a boycott. That’s why I started Humans Against Candy Knives, or H.A.C.K. Join the fight on the Facebook group I started.

19. If it has any other kind of cane on it= +2 points. This could be one of the wise men’s canes, sugar canes, or even hurricanes. Just as long as they’re not candy canes.

How did you score?

0-3 points= Sorry to break the news, but you might be a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
4-7 points= You’re rockin’ a mighty fine piece of holiday merriment, my friend. Just don’t wear your sweater and your light up reindeer antlers at the same time. That would be tacky.
8-10 points= “Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.” –Job 40:10
11-13 points= Bill Cosby called. He wants his sweater back.
14+ points= You are the embodiment of Christmawesomeness. There are probably three men coming from afar to shower you with gifts as you read this.
Less than zero points= Apparently you love candy canes.

How Christmawesome are your Christmas sweaters? Please post links in the comments section to a picture of you sporting your sweater.

the kind of acceptance you and I want

2008-12-15T22:59:00.001-05:00

The following quote is from a friend of Philip Yancey:

"When I'm late to church, people turn around and stare at me with frowns of disapproval. I get the clear message that I'm not as responsible as they are. When I'm late to Alcoholics Anonymous, the meeting comes to a halt, and everyone jumps up to hug and welcome me. They realize that my lateness may be a sign that I almost didn't make it. When I show up, it proves that my desperate need for them won out over my desperate need for alcohol."

I always think we in the church can learn a lot about the openness and acceptance shown by those in the recovery community.

How about you?

air brushed craziness

2008-12-14T22:49:00.006-05:00

This is just a reminder about the insane amount of air brushing that goes into all the images we see. Many pictures we see have been air brushed to become unnatural and unachievable.

So when we compare ourselves to media images, we need to remember that we are not comparing ourselves to people, but to computer generated images.

What's funny is that even a woman who is considered very beautiful is not immune to the media changing her looks to make her more *sell-able*.

Check out the retouches:

For more info click here.

I love animals, but this is just amazing

2008-12-09T22:15:00.002-05:00

I realize the last two posts here may be way too much silliness for a blog titled Therapy. Maybe it speaks to my mental state or maybe it speaks to the fact that we all need some lighthearted fun at times...even (or maybe especially) when it comes to therapy.

So check out this video. I found it on Beth Brawley Taylor's blog (which has other good stuff too).

Confession

2008-12-09T02:57:00.003-05:00

This is the song in my head tonight.

It gets me every time.

And yes, I know it's cheesy. I love it anyway.

You know you want to sing along.

Click here.

[...awesome tiger shirt...]

your family legacy and pickles?

2008-12-07T22:40:00.006-05:00

Everyone Needs Therapy has a great post on how dynamics in your family of origin can impact dynamics in your future relationships.

I actually referenced the story in this post in a session I had recently.

Love it.

To read the post click here.

what is your family legacy?

2008-12-03T01:55:00.009-05:00

In so many ways we are products of our families.

I create family maps (genograms) with folks and it's not hard to see where personal traits come from - they get passed down along the family tree. (A spiritual person might call this generational sin or blessing.)

Addictions and family traits of addicts can be pretty easy to spot on a genogram. Usually a family member a few generations back will have had an addiction and you can see the addictive trait and pattern sprinkled down through the generations into one's own family.

What is harder to spot are the family traits that we don't necessary have symbols and labels for. For example, a family might have patterns of communicating through loud arguments and be quick to anger. Or there might be a pattern in a family where fathers and sons are distant and withdrawn emotionally.

When we don't take the time to acknowledge our relational family legacy we are prone to repeating the same old cycles. Sometimes this can be a great thing. If you have a warm and loving family you will want to repeat that pattern and have warm and loving relationships. The problem comes when we have patterns we don't want to repeat. (And let's be honest - every family has those issues that we'd rather not continue...)

When we become aware of family patterns and their impact on our own lives and choices we are then able to ask ourselves if it is a pattern we want to continue repeating. I will admit that it can be tricky and take time to figure out all the relational dynamics that have been passed down through generations. And as I mentioned above, some traits will be easier to recognize.

At the same time, I believe it is very much worth the time and energy to:

*examine your history,

*acknowledge the impact on your own life and relationships,

*decide if that's a pattern you want to continue, and

*take the steps necessary to start in a new direction and path.

I will say that simply because your family "taught" you to behave a certain way doesn't mean you are not responsible for your actions or that your parents are to "blame". Rather, although you are highly influenced by your family patterns, you alone have the responsibility and choice to decide what you want your life to become.

[I could give umpteen examples of this throughout the Old Testament. Suffice it to say that often people in the family tree behaved a certain way. Yet, there were the few who examined the past and decided to choose a different path.]

If you are interested in learning about your own family patterns one of the best places to learn can be in counseling. You might want research a little about genograms and create your own family diagram. Or you might just begin by thinking about what patterns you notice in your family.

How have you been influenced by your family legacy?

acceptance

2008-12-01T01:54:00.004-05:00

Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will.

All that I am and all that I possess You have given me:

I surrender it

all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more.

-St. Ignatius Loyola

Christmas gift ideas

2008-11-30T00:33:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone has had a grateful and thankful Thanksgiving holiday.

We have made it past Thanksgiving and black Friday... now on to Christmas!

[I love Christmas.]

We put up our Christmas tree and decorations today as I want to enjoy the Christmas atmosphere for the entire month.

We are scaling down this year even more than we usually do for Christmas...partially because I hate how consumer driven Christmas has become and partially for practical economic reasons. [Hopefully we won't be considered related to Scrooge for our minimalism.] I am guessing quite a lot of folks will be scaling back this year.

For you folks who are giving gifts this Christmas might I suggest some lovely gifts from the World Vision Gift Catalog?
Most of us Americans have plenty of what we need. I think it's a great idea to donate much needed supplies and help to those in third world countries who have so little. (When you give in someone's name you have the option of them being sent a card from World Vision informing them of the gift.) You can also purchase lovely hand-made items that have been made by women in income-generating programs.

For the World Vision Gift Catalog online click here.

1 in 5 girls wants to be a teen mom

2008-11-26T00:30:00.000-05:00

The Tyra Show took an anonymous survey of 10,000 teen girls and young women on her website recently. These are some of the results:

* On average, girls are losing their virginity at 15 years of age.

* 14 percent of teens who are having sex say they’re doing it at school.

* 52 percent of survey respondents say they do not use protection when having sex.

* One in three says she fears having a sexually transmitted disease.

* 24 percent of teens with STDs say they still have unprotected sex.

* One in five girls says she wants to be a teen mom.

* About 50 percent acknowledge that they’ve hit someone.

* One out of three teens has tried drugs.

These results don't really surprise me based on my work with teen girls, but I think they would surprise a lot of parents.

I would be interested to find out what these results would be with adolescent boys. I definitely think we have a cultural bias towards being fascinated by the statistics of adolescent girls (probably in part because the majority of teen parenting falls on the girl's shoulders). Still, so much media attention has been focused on teen girls and parents versus their male counterparts. I begin to wonder where are the teen fathers in the media?

To see more about the survey click here.

tv viewing linked to teen pregnancy rates

2008-11-25T01:19:00.003-05:00

Nearly a million teen girls get pregnant each year in this country - one of the highest rates in the industrialized nations.

A new study reports that teens who watch more tv than the average (the average is 3 hours a day) DOUBLED their likelihood of getting pregnant as a teen.

This definitely ties the link between the impact of the media and our actions.

What do you think about this study?

Loving Folks who Are not like You

2008-11-21T01:12:00.007-05:00

I think about love frequently.

[I am a therapist after all.]

Most folks (and namely Christians) believe in the command to LOVE others.

So I have been wondering lately:

What stops us from loving those who are different than us?

What stops YOU from loving those different than you?

Marriage Goals

2008-11-19T00:13:00.006-05:00

The difference between a goal and a dream is the written word.
-Gene Donohue

I am in favor of goal setting.

Research has shown that the simple act of writing down goals makes a person much more likely to achieve them. (And yet, only about 5% of people write down their goals.)

I am also in favor of setting marriage goals.

Most folks would say their marriage is one of the most important things to them - it is a priority. And yet, many never take the time to sit down with their partner and decide what they want their marriage to specifically look like, feel like, and be like. Instead, folks have an idea of what they want without a plan to make it happen.

If you have never gotten together with your partner and discussed goals for your marriage why not try it?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Take the time to write out in detail what you think would be a perfect day with your mate ten years from now. Start out in the morning and describe the day and what is happening. What are thinking about? How are you feeling? What are you seeing, hearing smelling, touching? Describe the day as you would scenes from a movie.

2. Compare your day with your partner's day. How do they compare? What similar ideas do you have for your future and what is different?

3. What does your above writing assignment tell you about your goals? Discuss what goals you each desire for your relationship.

4. Decide on some long term goals for your relationship. Then decide on smaller things (objectives) you can do today to make that happen. [For example, a goal might be to have great communication with your spouse. An objective might be to have a time set aside weekly to connect with your spouse and communicate thoughts, feelings, hopes, and desires.]

If you are new to setting goals I recommend you read these goal setting tips: click here. Scroll down till you see "Goal Setting Tips" in Orange Writing.

What are some GOALS you have for your relationship?

What type are you?

2008-11-16T04:16:00.008-05:00

I can say that I think about the Myers Briggs almost daily. And I do that because it helps me to understand people.

Instead of seeing people as weird or odd, it helps me see them as simply different than me - as they are looking at life through a different lens.

Although the Myers Briggs can't tell me everything about a person (as each person is unique and special), it can tell me quite a lot of general things about a person.

[When I have someone take the Myers Briggs for me and give them information on their type they usually say something like, "Oh! This is so me!" (because it is them, or at least some of their traits, generally speaking).]

If you are looking for a little family or marriage activity I suggest you have your family members take the test and then discuss how you are alike, and how you are different.

You can either buy the book "Please Understand Me II" (which is an excellent book that I love), OR you can simply post your initial results in google and search through the amazing amount of information on your type for free on the web.

I personally really like this site (if you click on your type and then scroll to the bottom of the page you will also see ideas for careers, relationships, and personal growth).

I know of 2 FREE Myers Briggs Assessments online.

1. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

2. http://similarminds.com/jung.html

a journey of faith

2008-11-12T22:49:00.005-05:00

I wanted to let you know about a blog you may be interested in reading.

Danny Dantzler's Blog

Danny was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) on June 20th, 07. As such, he has a unique perspective on life and the afterlife. You can find a radio interview with Danny at this site - currently his story it is second from the top. Danny's daughter was in my small group last year and he has an inspiring story of faith.

Music for a Monday night

2008-11-10T22:52:00.005-05:00

Tonight while working around the house and on the computer a tune kept running through my head. I wanted to whistle it, but if you have ever heard me whistle you know why that didn't work out. So finally I decided to google it to hear the true version.

[Warning: the visuals in this video are very boring.... but the music is beautiful!]

My mom used to play this on the piano when I was a kid. To this day it is one of my favorite songs and very moving to me. Music is much like smells in that it can instantly transport us back to a time in our life. It has the power to calm and soothe or energize and invigorate.

What songs have you been listening to lately?

Go Hug a Friend

2008-11-08T20:33:00.005-05:00

I realize that we have to wait until January 21st for official hug day, but after reading a little post a while back on the importance of hugging I thought it wouldn't hurt to have an extra day.

Research has validated that HUGS are HEALING.

Sure, we already knew that.

But it's still a good reminder in today's world where researchers also found that 1/3 of folks report getting no daily hugs and most folks declare they would like more hugs in their lives.

After reading that I know I felt much more compelled to give hugs regularly. [And I'd like to start with more hugs with my spouse!]

So, consider this a reminder to go give a hug!

(just remember to ask first, hug second)

Getting Past the Affair

2008-11-05T22:37:00.007-05:00

Sadly, marital affairs are not uncommon in our society.

One of the sessions that I enjoyed at my conference was about helping couples dealing with an affair.

The presenter for the session, Douglas Snyder, has been treating couples and especially this type of couple for decades (including conducting research on treatment success).

Since I see a lot of couples in my counseling I was glad for the research validated treatment. But, more so I am looking forward to reading the book Snyder has written for couples on the topic: Getting Past the Affair. I have already ordered a few copies for my clients.

To purchase the book click here.

[Of course, if you or your partner has had an affair I hardily recommend couples counseling. Whether or not you want to stay together, counseling can help to minimize further damage to the relationship, help you understand what happened, and help you move forward with your life.]

History is Made

2008-11-04T22:50:00.004-05:00

Regardless of what your political perspective may be, I find it very encouraging how far our country has come.

It was not so many years ago that blacks and whites were segregated.

It has been only 53 short years since Rosa Parks took her stand as a part of the civil rights movement.

And while racism is certainly not dead in this country, we have come a long way.

AAMFT conference update

2008-11-01T23:09:00.007-04:00

A little update for you from Memphis....

I've learned so much and thought about so many things clinically I don't know where to start...

It's been very refreshing to be with other Marriage and Family Therapists and to continue learning. [Although I'm exhausted from day long trainings!]

One of the highlights was meeting Margo Maine who is an expert in treating eating disorders. She also has great things to say about culture, media literacy, and body image.

I loved her book Body Wars: Making Peace with Women's Bodies. (If you haven't read it you might want to check it out!)

I'm looking forward to applying a lot of new ideas in my counseling practice...

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-30T06:00:00.002-04:00

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.
-Cicero

It's been a little while since I posted on my continuing efforts at having a grateful heart.

I actually read an article recently on gratitude touting all the amazing benefits of having an attitude of gratitude. It was a timely reminder of far simple thankfulness can go in this time of economic craziness.

So here is my current list for all the things I am grateful for:

best friends
family
being loved
being accepted
being forgiven
being encouraged

clean water
an abundance of food
warm, comforting shelter
a dog that loves me
fresh flowers on my table
crunchy fall leaves on the ground
a coat to wear in the brisk weather

a job I find meaningful
a way to use my skills/gifts
music
art
theater
clean laundry
soft socks
small groups
books
laptops
community
homemade apple cake
trips with my husband
the opportunity to learn
meeting new people
rest

AAMFT Conference

2008-10-29T00:15:00.000-04:00

Today I am on my way to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy National Conference in Memphis.

I'm feeling pretty happy about this because:

- I love getting out of town,
- seeing new places,
- my favorite person is coming with me,
- I am going to be learning in my field,
- and growing as a clinician,
- and I get to try out awesome restaurants in Memphis (I'm a super-tiny-bit of a foodie.)

I'll try and update you here a little bit on the conference. [but no promises.]

So my question is this:

Have you ever been to Memphis? If so, what did you think?

The Sacred Echo

2008-10-28T12:51:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking about prayer lately.

One of things I have noted here previously is that God speaks to me though something I have called layering.

It's like when God really wants me to hear from Him I hear the message everywhere I look: at church, on the radio, from friends, from things I am reading, and so on.

Really this is a pretty cool phenomena and it has happened to me quite a few times over the years. When it begins to happen to me I am always eager to pay attention because I know it must be something I really need to hear.

So I found it cool that Margaret Feinberg talks about the same way of hearing from God in her book on prayer, "The Sacred Echo." She talks about hearing from God as if his voice is an echo - repeating of the same message.

I find it kind of funny to read a book on prayer. [Like sometimes I think, why not just spend the time praying instead of reading about prayer?] But I found myself loving "The Sacred Echo" and really finding it helpful.

First, I love that this book reads like a story. Margaret weaves together stories from her life and experiences in a very readable way.

Second, I love that this book is so real. I have never met Margaret but so many of the things she writes about are things I have thought or had happened.

Third, I read this book a while back in the middle of some hard times and it really did encourage me to begin praying in a deeper way again.

So, if you feel a little stuck in your prayer life or just want an encouraging read on the topic I would definitely suggest you check out The Sacred Echo. [And one of the cool things is that there is a discussion guide at the end for each chapter for if in case you want to use this as a small group resource or read it with a friend.]

To buy the book click here.

What has God been layering or echoing to you lately?

Good times through the decades

2008-10-24T22:49:00.006-04:00

Since we were talking about dealing with stress recently, I have to say that I had the most fun, stress releasing time recently while checking out how I would look if I were from different time periods.

Just so you can join in the fun...
For some reason, I think I look so much like my Mom in this pic....

I used to have this hairstyle... I used to be so cool. sigh.

Stress Management - Book Resource

2008-10-21T23:59:00.007-04:00

I found an interesting book I wanted to pass along to all those interested in finding out more great stuff on stress management.

Stress Free for Good elaborates on a lot of the tips already mentioned here and gives more helpful ideas.

One of the things that I like about this book is that the authors assume you don't have a lot of time or energy to try and figure out complicated techniques. Instead, they focus on quick and simple ways to give you help.

Also, all their techniques are scientifically proven to help stress. Nice. To check out the book online click here.

If you find that you have tried to manage stress on your own but still struggle it may be time to consider a counselor. A counselor can help you determine underlying factors and give you guidance as you navigate your journey to health.

[But then, being a counselor myself, I'm biased.;)

Stress Management #6: Creativity

2008-10-18T00:25:00.005-04:00

Both in college and grad school I found myself stressed. Deadlines and pressures got to me often and the main thing that I found to manage the tension was through playing guitar.

There is just something about being creative and expressing that soothes and calms.

I find that a lot of folks can be afraid to try de-stressing through creativity because they say they are not "artistic" or "creative".

The thing is, even if you can't draw except stick figures (like me) there are ways you can express yourself creatively. For example, you might try just one of these options:

Journaling and Writing (hint: Don't force yourself to write about your mundane life daily. Instead, save it for times you feel you need to get your tension out.)

Music (Either playing an instrument, singing, or simply listening to relaxing tunes.)

Making a Collage (Look for pics you like and paste them all over a notebook, box, paper...)

Dance (Pretend you are training for Dancing with the Stars. Or simply enjoy the process of movement to music.)

Paint. (Don't worry about it being perfect. Instead, try doing something "abstract".)

Knit/Sew/Cross-Stitch (The repetitive nature of the stitching can be very soothing, while you're expressing yourself!)

What ways are you able to be CREATIVE?

How does this help your stress level?

Stress Management #5: Laughter!

2008-10-15T23:25:00.008-04:00

Have you ever noticed how after a deep belly laugh you feel so much more relaxed and at peace?

It's true:
Laughter is good medicine.

This is one of the reasons I look forward to watching "The Office" on Thursday nights. Yep. Dwight never fails me.

But seriously. There is a whole lot of research on how good laughter is for you. And it's actually exercise for your stomach. How great is that?!?

Sometimes I watch comedians on the internet for some good anytime laughs. It's like a free comedy club!

[For those of you from church backgrounds I recommend Tim Hawkins. I had quite the belly laugh while listening to him recently...]

For more info on the benefits of laughter as stress relief check out this website.

fat talk free

2008-10-14T00:47:00.004-04:00

A little break from stress management to ask you to check out this very cool video...

Click Here.

What do you think???

Stress Management #4: Exercise!

2008-10-07T22:41:00.008-04:00

This little series on stress management would be incomplete without some talk on exercise.

If you've ever exercised regularly you know that exercise is a great stress reducer.

Exercise triggers chemicals in your body to help you feel good. It also helps you sleep [as well as about a ton of other positive things].

I think one of the things that stops folks (and me!) from exercising regularly is an all or nothing mentality: either I need to have at least 30 minutes of great exercise or I'm not going to do it at all.

The thing is, even a little exercise is helpful.

Going for a brisk 5 minute walk can really take the edge off of stress.

And while doing 5 minutes of stretching will not be the same as an hour of yoga, it can lessen tension and give a some relief.

So reject that all or nothing mentality and embrace even the small amount of time you have as a way to manage stress.

Stress Management #3: Guided imagery

2008-10-06T00:09:00.005-04:00

One of the more pleasurable forms of stress management is guided imagery.

What I like about guided imagery is that it is like a little mini vacation, wherever you may be.

Basically, you lay down and start with the abdominal breathing previously described.

Then imagine the most relaxing place you can.

Sometimes I imagine a lovely country meadow.

Sometimes a lush forest.

Sometimes a beautiful beach.

The point is to imagine the place using all your senses.

How does it look?

How does it smell?

How does it sound?

How does it feel?

How does it taste?

Eventually you can bring yourself back to the real world refreshed and de-stressed.

Try out guided imagery and let me know what you think. What is your favorite imaginary relaxation spot?

Stress Management #2: Progressive Relaxation

2008-10-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

It's been a busy weekend [spent with good friends] so sorry I'm a little behind on this series. But hopefully you've had time to master the art of deep breathing.

Today we are going to take deep abdominal breathing one step further into
progressive relaxation.

If you've never done progressive relaxation you are missing out on a revolutionary stress management tool that has been demonstrated to help by:

* Slowing your heart rate
* Lowering blood pressure
* Slowing your breathing rate
* Reducing the need for oxygen
* Increasing blood flow to major muscles
* Reducing muscle tension

[I first learned about this method in a class I took on stress management and trust me when I say that it really is effective. I practice progressive relaxation regularly.]

To practice progressive relaxation start with the basic abdominal breathing and then - focusing on your body - move on to tensing and relaxing each major part of your body. I recommend that you read a couple of the methods here or here.

You can also find audio guides to progressive relaxation that can help to limit distractions. It helps especially at the beginning when you are learning the technique.

Practice progressive relaxation daily and you will see a change in your ability to relax and de-stress. After time you will be able to trigger the relaxation response simply by thinking about the method. Pretty cool.

And it is simple, fast, and free.

Try it today and let me know what you think!

[This process of relaxation is guaranteed to happen because it is based on a principle of muscle physiology. Whenever you create tension in a muscle and then release the tension the muscle has to relax. The muscle does not have a choice. It must happen. The interesting aspect of this process is that the muscle will not only quickly relax back to its pre-tensed state, but if it is allowed to rest, will become even more relaxed that it was. As this procedure of creating tension and then releasing it is applied to every major muscle group of the body, all of these muscles will become more relaxed than when you started. from lessons4living.com ]

Stress Management #1: Breathe

2008-10-02T22:23:00.003-04:00

Often when folks come into see me for counseling I notice tense shoulders and shallow breathing. Shallow breathing can increase feelings of stress, tension, and anxiety.

Taking the time to examine your breathing can dramatically help you learn to deal with stress and tension.

To test your breathing do this simple check:

1. Put one hand on your chest and one hand on your abdomen (just below your rib cage).

2. Take a deep breath in.

3. Notice - is your your chest mostly moving, or is your abdomen mostly moving?

If your chest is moving a lot you are breathing shallowly. Instead, take a deep breath and move only your abdomen without moving your chest. It might feel awkward at first if you are used to shallow breathing, but trust that you are getting more oxygen this way.

When you notice yourself feeling stressed

*take a minute and focus on your breathing.

*Make sure you are breathing from your abdomen,

*breathe in slowly through your nose while counting to five (in your mind), and

*breathe out through your mouth while counting to five.

This is superfast, easy, and a great stress management tool!

Stress Management and the Stress Test

2008-09-30T23:20:00.008-04:00

Recently my husband had to drive quite a ways from our house and pass several gas stations before he was able to find gas for our car.

Now, I have no idea what the gas situation is in the rest of the country, but I do know this: whether it's about gas, jobs, foreclosures or the stock market, folks are stressed.

So I figured this is the perfect time for a little blogging series on

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Stress is the most common cause of ill health in our society, probably underlying as many as 70% of all visits to family doctors.

Obviously, stress comes from many factors and while the economy is one factor, there are many other factors that affect stress levels.

To start our little stress management journey, take the
Life Events Stress Test.

Or take this quick quiz to assess
How Stressed are You?