Christmas gift ideas

I hope everyone has had a grateful and thankful Thanksgiving holiday.

We have made it past Thanksgiving and black Friday... now on to Christmas!

[I love Christmas.]

We put up our Christmas tree and decorations today as I want to enjoy the Christmas atmosphere for the entire month.

We are scaling down this year even more than we usually do for Christmas...partially because I hate how consumer driven Christmas has become and partially for practical economic reasons. [Hopefully we won't be considered related to Scrooge for our minimalism.] I am guessing quite a lot of folks will be scaling back this year.

For you folks who are giving gifts this Christmas might I suggest some lovely gifts from the World Vision Gift Catalog?
Most of us Americans have plenty of what we need. I think it's a great idea to donate much needed supplies and help to those in third world countries who have so little. (When you give in someone's name you have the option of them being sent a card from World Vision informing them of the gift.) You can also purchase lovely hand-made items that have been made by women in income-generating programs.

For the World Vision Gift Catalog online click here.

1 in 5 girls wants to be a teen mom

The Tyra Show took an anonymous survey of 10,000 teen girls and young women on her website recently. These are some of the results:

* On average, girls are losing their virginity at 15 years of age.

* 14 percent of teens who are having sex say they’re doing it at school.

* 52 percent of survey respondents say they do not use protection when having sex.

* One in three says she fears having a sexually transmitted disease.

* 24 percent of teens with STDs say they still have unprotected sex.

* One in five girls says she wants to be a teen mom.

* About 50 percent acknowledge that they’ve hit someone.

* One out of three teens has tried drugs.

These results don't really surprise me based on my work with teen girls, but I think they would surprise a lot of parents.

I would be interested to find out what these results would be with adolescent boys. I definitely think we have a cultural bias towards being fascinated by the statistics of adolescent girls (probably in part because the majority of teen parenting falls on the girl's shoulders). Still, so much media attention has been focused on teen girls and parents versus their male counterparts. I begin to wonder where are the teen fathers in the media?

To see more about the survey click here.

tv viewing linked to teen pregnancy rates

Nearly a million teen girls get pregnant each year in this country - one of the highest rates in the industrialized nations.

A new study reports that teens who watch more tv than the average (the average is 3 hours a day) DOUBLED their likelihood of getting pregnant as a teen.



This definitely ties the link between the impact of the media and our actions.

What do you think about this study?

Loving Folks who Are not like You

I think about love frequently.

[I am a therapist after all.]

Most folks (and namely Christians) believe in the command to LOVE others.

So I have been wondering lately:

What stops us from loving those who are different than us?

What stops YOU from loving those different than you?

Marriage Goals

The difference between a goal and a dream is the written word.
-Gene Donohue

I am in favor of goal setting.

Research has shown that the simple act of writing down goals makes a person much more likely to achieve them. (And yet, only about 5% of people write down their goals.)

I am also in favor of setting marriage goals.

Most folks would say their marriage is one of the most important things to them - it is a priority. And yet, many never take the time to sit down with their partner and decide what they want their marriage to specifically look like, feel like, and be like. Instead, folks have an idea of what they want without a plan to make it happen.

If you have never gotten together with your partner and discussed goals for your marriage why not try it?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Take the time to write out in detail what you think would be a perfect day with your mate ten years from now. Start out in the morning and describe the day and what is happening. What are thinking about? How are you feeling? What are you seeing, hearing smelling, touching? Describe the day as you would scenes from a movie.

2. Compare your day with your partner's day. How do they compare? What similar ideas do you have for your future and what is different?

3. What does your above writing assignment tell you about your goals? Discuss what goals you each desire for your relationship.

4. Decide on some long term goals for your relationship. Then decide on smaller things (objectives) you can do today to make that happen. [For example, a goal might be to have great communication with your spouse. An objective might be to have a time set aside weekly to connect with your spouse and communicate thoughts, feelings, hopes, and desires.]

If you are new to setting goals I recommend you read these goal setting tips: click here. Scroll down till you see "Goal Setting Tips" in Orange Writing.

What are some GOALS you have for your relationship?

What type are you?

I can say that I think about the Myers Briggs almost daily. And I do that because it helps me to understand people.

Instead of seeing people as weird or odd, it helps me see them as simply different than me - as they are looking at life through a different lens.

Although the Myers Briggs can't tell me everything about a person (as each person is unique and special), it can tell me quite a lot of general things about a person.

[When I have someone take the Myers Briggs for me and give them information on their type they usually say something like, "Oh! This is so me!" (because it is them, or at least some of their traits, generally speaking).]

If you are looking for a little family or marriage activity I suggest you have your family members take the test and then discuss how you are alike, and how you are different.

You can either buy the book "Please Understand Me II" (which is an excellent book that I love), OR you can simply post your initial results in google and search through the amazing amount of information on your type for free on the web.

I personally really like this site (if you click on your type and then scroll to the bottom of the page you will also see ideas for careers, relationships, and personal growth).

I know of 2 FREE Myers Briggs Assessments online.

1. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

2. http://similarminds.com/jung.html

a journey of faith

I wanted to let you know about a blog you may be interested in reading.

Danny Dantzler's Blog

Danny was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) on June 20th, 07. As such, he has a unique perspective on life and the afterlife. You can find a radio interview with Danny at this site - currently his story it is second from the top. Danny's daughter was in my small group last year and he has an inspiring story of faith.

Music for a Monday night

Tonight while working around the house and on the computer a tune kept running through my head. I wanted to whistle it, but if you have ever heard me whistle you know why that didn't work out. So finally I decided to google it to hear the true version.


[Warning: the visuals in this video are very boring.... but the music is beautiful!]

My mom used to play this on the piano when I was a kid. To this day it is one of my favorite songs and very moving to me. Music is much like smells in that it can instantly transport us back to a time in our life. It has the power to calm and soothe or energize and invigorate.

What songs have you been listening to lately?

Go Hug a Friend

I realize that we have to wait until January 21st for official hug day, but after reading a little post a while back on the importance of hugging I thought it wouldn't hurt to have an extra day.

Research has validated that HUGS are HEALING.

Sure, we already knew that.

But it's still a good reminder in today's world where researchers also found that 1/3 of folks report getting no daily hugs and most folks declare they would like more hugs in their lives.

After reading that I know I felt much more compelled to give hugs regularly. [And I'd like to start with more hugs with my spouse!]

So, consider this a reminder to go give a hug!

(just remember to ask first, hug second)

Getting Past the Affair

Sadly, marital affairs are not uncommon in our society.

One of the sessions that I enjoyed at my conference was about helping couples dealing with an affair.

The presenter for the session, Douglas Snyder, has been treating couples and especially this type of couple for decades (including conducting research on treatment success).

Since I see a lot of couples in my counseling I was glad for the research validated treatment. But, more so I am looking forward to reading the book Snyder has written for couples on the topic: Getting Past the Affair. I have already ordered a few copies for my clients.

To purchase the book click here.

[Of course, if you or your partner has had an affair I hardily recommend couples counseling. Whether or not you want to stay together, counseling can help to minimize further damage to the relationship, help you understand what happened, and help you move forward with your life.]

History is Made

Regardless of what your political perspective may be, I find it very encouraging how far our country has come.

It was not so many years ago that blacks and whites were segregated.

It has been only 53 short years since Rosa Parks took her stand as a part of the civil rights movement.

And while racism is certainly not dead in this country, we have come a long way.

AAMFT conference update

A little update for you from Memphis....

I've learned so much and thought about so many things clinically I don't know where to start...

It's been very refreshing to be with other Marriage and Family Therapists and to continue learning. [Although I'm exhausted from day long trainings!]

One of the highlights was meeting Margo Maine who is an expert in treating eating disorders. She also has great things to say about culture, media literacy, and body image.

I loved her book Body Wars: Making Peace with Women's Bodies. (If you haven't read it you might want to check it out!)

I'm looking forward to applying a lot of new ideas in my counseling practice...