Happy Anniversary

To my favorite person and spouse.

I'm so glad we're married.

I love you.

cultural gender stereotypes

Our culture, for all of it's attempts at equality has a lot of mixed ideas and messages about gender.

I hear gender stereotypes regularly and I find it interesting what gender ideas we hold onto and which we are willing to let go.

So of course I was delighted in finding a story about a very unique situation of gender roles.

"For centuries, in the closed-off and conservative society of rural northern Albania, swapping genders was considered a practical solution for a family with a shortage of men...By custom, Ms. Keqi, now 78, took a vow of lifetime virginity. She lived as a man, the new patriarch, with all the swagger and trappings of male authority — including the obligation to avenge her father’s death...

The sworn virgin was born of social necessity in an agrarian region plagued by war and death. If the family patriarch died with no male heirs, unmarried women in the family could find themselves alone and powerless. By taking an oath of virginity, women could take on the role of men as head of the family, carry a weapon, own property and move freely.

They dressed like men and spent their lives in the company of other men, even though most kept their female given names. They were not ridiculed, but accepted in public life, even adulated." New York Times. For the full story click here.

Fascinating. What do you think?

the attitude of gratitude

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."
~ Cicero ~

I have been thinking about showing appreciation and gratitude lately.

I admit my thoughts started from a place of hurt (and maybe even selfishness) for I have given often and much to certain folks and have rarely been thanked. Instead I have felt taken-for-granted and under-appreciated. And that feels pretty lousy.

[I am not a mother but I'm guessing it is especially easy for moms to feel this way after giving so much to their families.]

I think we can all grow in the area of gratitude. I often don't express thankfulness and gratitude to those in my life that I am so very grateful for. (I wonder if they feel unappreciated too?)

This despite the fact that:

People who tend to experience gratitude more frequently than do others also tend to be happier, more helpful and forgiving, and less depressed than their less grateful counterparts. (Kashdan, Uswatte, & Julian, 2006; McCullough, Emmons, & Tsang, 2002; Watkins, Woodward, Stone, & Kolts, 2003 found at wikipedia.com)

So I am wondering if maybe we can start here:

1. Think about a person for whom you are grateful.

2. In the next couple of days tell or write that person and let him/her know how much he/she is appreciated.



I have several people to whom I am very grateful - so here are just a few...

my husband for his continual support and love
my mom and dad for their daily prayers and giving much
my best friend for understanding so deeply

my supervisor for believing in my abilities while teaching
my friends around town for having fun with me and listening
my clients for allowing me to join them in their journeys

my God for his beautiful creation and love


Who are you grateful for?

women in the media - not so simple

I subscribe to Real Simple magazine.

I enjoy the clean design, the clever and timely articles, the dinner recipes (there is a great looking chicken enchilada recipe I'm going to try), the column by a life coach, the entertaining short stories, and several other features.

I do not enjoy the fact that out of the first ten pages half of them tell me that I need:

a product to help fill "the hollows" in my face

multi-tonal color in my hair

anti-aging eye cream to fight creasing, discoloration, and under eye darkness.

I do not like that 23 of the advertisements in the July issue focus on physical appearance.

I find the most interesting ad is one for shredded wheat of all things. [The advertisement featuring a woman in lingerie not so subtly implies a woman is sexually satisfied by her fiber full breakfast cereal.]

For a good laugh click here.

I use to think of Real Simple as a pretty classy magazine....

like, fun with language, ya know?

I grew up in Southern California and while I did not technically live in "the valley" I did use the popular slang. While in college in Chicago I remember being teased for my sweet little phrases:

"you know what I mean?"
"like"
"totally"
"whatever"
"then I was all... and she was all..."

And whenever I couldn't remember someone's name I just called him dude.

It was the 90s after all.

Sometimes my language is still peppered with my valley past. An acquaintance of mine laughs because now I use a professional tone while saying like and ya know.

So no. I do not have a southern accent. I have a southern California accent.

Do you have an accent?

teens make pregnancy pact

I thought the following story was interesting for 2 reasons:

1. A few years ago I lived right next to this town in Massachusetts.

2. When working with adolescent mothers a little while back I found that there were quite a number that had planned their teen pregnancies.

As summer vacation begins, 17 girls at Gloucester High School are expecting babies—more than four times the number of pregnancies the 1,200-student school had last year.... All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Time.com

Click here for the full story.

suffering in state mental health

The state mental health system in Georgia is struggling. Well, that might be an understatement.

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, "By late July, Georgia must tell the Justice Department how it plans to correct deficiencies or face a lawsuit that could force expensive reforms and strip away control of the mental health care system."

[Click here for the fully horrifying story.]

I have known about the troubles in the system for quite a while. Still, I witnessed more of the difficulties of the system today while working for my side job as psychological crisis assessor. Also, I have heard that the problem is not just in the state of Georgia but is a nationwide problem.

It saddens me that those in our society so vulnerable have such poor access to good quality treatment.

***An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. When applied to the 2004 U.S. Census residential population estimate for ages 18 and older, this figure translates to 57.7 million people. Even though mental disorders are widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion — about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 — who suffer from a serious mental illness. In addition, mental disorders are the leading cause of disability in the U.S. and Canada for ages 15-44.
The National Institute of Mental Health

Strawberry shortcake gets a makeover

This image of a newly updated Strawberry Shortcake has been floating around the internet for a few days now. Apparently execs felt the need to update the sweetest little doll of all time. [And as we all know, even with toys image is everything...]

Strawberry Shortcake was quite a favorite of mine. My rambunctious Dalmatian [Nestle] had decided my doll was a chew toy and ever after my Strawberry Shortcake was disabled (she was missing a foot). Still I loved that doll and played with her anyway. She didn't need long flowing hair and a particular body to win my love. Heck, she didn't even need two feet.

I recognize execs are trying to market and compete with Bratz and Barbie dolls, but one of the things I loved about Strawberry Shortcake was that she wasn't all about boys and glamor. She was about good friends, animals, and of course, yummy treats.

As such I think my frustration with the change is about more than nostalgia... After all, what happened to her cat? I hear it's been exchanged for a cell phone?!?

For the NY Times story click here.

I couldn't be with my Dad for Father's day. But....

insecure much?

Insecure is a word I hear tossed around a lot these days.
Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner). [Wikipedia.com]

I've noticed that I often get insecure around groups of folks, and particularly women. I have a great time in the moment... but then after I'm not so sure.

I wonder:

Did I talk too much? (I've been guilty of this before.)

Did I talk too loud? (and this.)

Did anything I say offend someone? (well, all these really.)

And so my good time with girlfriends quickly turns into not that great of time at all. I'm still working through this and figuring out how to balance healthy personal growth and sensitivity with not being overly introspective and analytical. That's a tough one for me.

What brings out your insecurities?

this made me laugh

So tonight while whittling the time away on call I took a bunch of silly personality quizzes online. Good times. And surprise surprise: I'm relational...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to relate to and understand others. Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel. You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations. A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict. You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

To take the quiz yourself click here. oh - and feel free to post your results in comments.

First Times

I mowed a lawn for the first time ever tonight.

I jostled on the mower making circles around our property.

A slight breeze blew on my skin.

The smell of fresh grass in my nose.

Beautiful colors were in the sky as the sun set amongst brooding clouds.

The hum of the mower was beneath me. [My music friend told me it is Bb.]

Fireflys were jumping out of my way.

I started at the start of sundown and finished an hour and a half later as the sky began to throw lightening into the dark. [We have a big yard.]

The first time we try anything new can be exhilarating. So why don't we try new things more often?

fun communication ideas

To pass the time on a recent car ride with a friend I brought out my handy conversation cards.

[My mom had sent them to me as a Valentine's gift - great gift idea!]

My friend is pretty chill but she humored me with the cards and I got to know my friend much better!

[For a relater like me it was significant fun.]

...Often times I come across couples and families that rarely talk to one another about things. They are so caught up with activities that conversation gets pushed to the back burner and eventually they don't know what to say to one another at all...

So here's a tip: Get some conversation cards and chat it up. And they are obviously great for a long car/plane/train ride. You will get to know someone in a whole new way.

[Sample questions: What would you do with a million dollars? Who do you admire most and why? What is your most memorable childhood memory? What are your biggest strengths and weaknesses?}

the next time I have people over I will be making

THIS.

(My apologies now to health conscious husband...)

not so secret desire

I'm headed to Nashville tomorrow. Which fits.

I've always had a secret desire to be a rock star.

Okay, either that or Broadway.

Well, or wedding singer.

Yes, I know.


What is your secret desire?

I love animals

...Many many studies have been done demonstrating the positive effect animals have on our health....

Otters are one of my favorite animals. [And not just because I was the "otter" in some animal personality survey from the past.]

We used to be members of the Chattanooga Aquarium and sometimes I would go just to spend time with the otters.

So, it shouldn't be surprising to you that I HAD to share this video. Watch through to the end so you don't miss out on all the sweetness.

no gossip?

A while back I was watching some special about Barbara Walters. Yes, I know. What an exciting life I live.

Well, one of the interesting things about Ms Walters is that she apparently does not say anything bad about anyone. And apparently this is one of the things that has helped her to succeed in life.

[I have no idea if this is really true but what an incredibly cool trait and rule to live by.]

Never say Anything Negative about Anyone.

I like it.

What about you? Is it a realistic rule to live by?