what is your family legacy?

In so many ways we are products of our families.

I create family maps (genograms) with folks and it's not hard to see where personal traits come from - they get passed down along the family tree. (A spiritual person might call this generational sin or blessing.)

Addictions and family traits of addicts can be pretty easy to spot on a genogram. Usually a family member a few generations back will have had an addiction and you can see the addictive trait and pattern sprinkled down through the generations into one's own family.

What is harder to spot are the family traits that we don't necessary have symbols and labels for. For example, a family might have patterns of communicating through loud arguments and be quick to anger. Or there might be a pattern in a family where fathers and sons are distant and withdrawn emotionally.

When we don't take the time to acknowledge our relational family legacy we are prone to repeating the same old cycles. Sometimes this can be a great thing. If you have a warm and loving family you will want to repeat that pattern and have warm and loving relationships. The problem comes when we have patterns we don't want to repeat. (And let's be honest - every family has those issues that we'd rather not continue...)

When we become aware of family patterns and their impact on our own lives and choices we are then able to ask ourselves if it is a pattern we want to continue repeating. I will admit that it can be tricky and take time to figure out all the relational dynamics that have been passed down through generations. And as I mentioned above, some traits will be easier to recognize.

At the same time, I believe it is very much worth the time and energy to:

*examine your history,

*acknowledge the impact on your own life and relationships,

*decide if that's a pattern you want to continue, and

*take the steps necessary to start in a new direction and path.

I will say that simply because your family "taught" you to behave a certain way doesn't mean you are not responsible for your actions or that your parents are to "blame". Rather, although you are highly influenced by your family patterns, you alone have the responsibility and choice to decide what you want your life to become.

[I could give umpteen examples of this throughout the Old Testament. Suffice it to say that often people in the family tree behaved a certain way. Yet, there were the few who examined the past and decided to choose a different path.]

If you are interested in learning about your own family patterns one of the best places to learn can be in counseling. You might want research a little about genograms and create your own family diagram. Or you might just begin by thinking about what patterns you notice in your family.

How have you been influenced by your family legacy?