learning the art of listening

Being heard and understood is one the main needs we all have as humans.

I honestly believe that if folks would really listen to one another with empathy then my job as a counselor would be much less busy.

Some folks believe they "just aren't good listeners" like it is a personality trait they don't have and never will. And true, some folks are naturally better at listening than others.

Still, listening is a skill you can learn... much like learning to swim, or dance, or brushing your teeth.

Here are some tips for learning the skill of listening:

1. The most important thing is to WANT to learn to listen and really hear others. Once you have the desire, you have the motivation to practice these skills.

2. Show you are listening through non-verbal messages.
Stopping what you were doing, giving eye contact, and leaning forward are all ways you can show you are listening. You might also try nodding to show you hear the other person.

3. Validate the person to let them know you heard them.
This can be done by rephrasing what the person said and getting to the heart of the message. You might simply say how the person is feeling: "you feel frustrated with work" of "I can see how excited you are!"

4. Give and show empathy by “putting yourself in their shoes.”
A lot of people listen without really hearing the message or understanding the person. Try to see things from the other person's perspective.

5. Show that you understand.
Don’t rush in to talk about yourself. “I am really busy right now too…”
Don’t rush into questions. Remember that there is a time for giving answers and solutions but only AFTER the person feels understood.