Great Pumpkin anyone?

what totally sucks [part 2]

when you're in a great city with amazingly fabulous culture and you just can't stop feeling lonesome for home (i.e. husband and doggie]...

Blue Like Jazz: Must Read?

About twenty million people in my life have told me I MUST read Blue Like Jazz. (okay, I admit I don't know that many people but you know.) So tonight I am finally starting the book. I'll keep you posted on what I think....kind of a blogger book discussion. If you have read the book join in on your thoughts. If not go buy it right now and start reading it with me!

ATL neighbors

So it's not like I'm that big of a traveler... but I'm out of town again. I'm spending the next few days in downtown Atlanta doing some training for psychological assessments. As I was walking to a restaurant for dinner tonight I was approached by three different men asking for money. All the men gave me a different story but I was struck by one man who told me about his tour of duty in Iraq only to come home and have no money while trying to care for his pregnant wife. My heart strings were definitely pulled on but I also wondered if a story like that could possibly be true?

Jesus commands me to love my neighbor and I definitely want to help the needy so I felt confused. How can I know if these folks are legit and in need or just pulling a sham? And how can I see through to help those truly in need without enabling bad habits?

Any thoughts?

Self Care

Folks in ministry and counseling often talk about self care. It's basically taking good care of yourself so that you can then help out others... you know, the whole idea of put your oxygen mask on before you can assist others?

Well, after a busy couple of weeks I am feeling tired. It's a great time for a reminder post on some helpful tips for self care.

Any of these ideas hit home for you?

RELAX. Throughout the day, take "mini-breaks". Sit down and get comfortable. Slowly take in a deep breath; hold it; and then exhale very slowly. At the same time, let your shoulder muscles droop, smile, and say something positive like, "I am r-e-l-a-x-e-d." Be sure to get sufficient rest at night.

PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE. Many people get distressed over things they won't let themselves accept. Often, these are things that can't be changed, for example someone else's feelings or beliefs. If something unjust bothers you, that is different. If you act in a responsible way, the chances are you will manage that stress effectively.

TALK RATIONALLY TO YOURSELF. Ask yourself what real impact the stressful situation will have on you in a day or in a week, and see if you can let the negative thoughts go. Think through whether the situation is your problem or the other person's. If it is yours, approach it calmly and firmly. If it is the other person's, there is not much you can do about it. Rather than condemning yourself with hindsight thinking like, "I should have...," think about what you can learn from the error and plan for the future. Watch out for perfectionism -- set realistic and attainable goals. Remember: everyone makes errors. Be careful of procrastination -- practice breaking tasks into smaller units to make it manageable, and practice prioritizing to get things done.

GET ORGANIZED. Develop a realistic schedule of daily activities that includes time for work, sleep, relationships, and recreation. Use a daily "thing to do " list. Improve your physical surroundings by cleaning your house and straightening up your office. Use your time and energy efficiently.

EXERCISE. Physical activity has always provided relief from stress. In the past, daily work was largely physical. Now that physical exertion is no longer a requirement for earning a living, we don't get rid of stress so easily. It accumulates very quickly. We need to develop a regular exercise program to reduce the effects of stress before it becomes distress. Try aerobics, walking, jogging, dancing, or swimming.

REDUCE TIME URGENCY. If you frequently check your watch or worry about what you do with your time, learn to take things a bit slower. Allow plenty of time to get things done. Plan your schedule ahead of time. Recognize that you can only do so much in a given period. Practice the notion of "pace, not race".

DISARM YOURSELF. Every situation in life does not require you to be competitive. Adjust your approach to an event according to its demands. You don't have to raise your voice in a simple discussion. Playing tennis with a friend does not have to be an Olympic trial. Leave behind you your "weapons" of shouting, having the last word, putting someone else down, and blaming.

QUIET TIME. Balance your family, social, and work demands with special private times. Hobbies are good antidotes for daily pressures. Unwind by taking a quiet stroll, soaking in a hot bath, watching a sunset, or listening to calming music.

WATCH YOUR HABITS. Eat sensibly -- a balanced diet will provide all the necessary energy you will need during the day. Avoid nonprescription drugs and avoid alcohol use -- you need to be mentally and physically alert to deal with stress. Be mindful of the effects of excessive caffeine and sugar on nervousness. Put out the cigarettes -- they restrict blood circulation and affect the stress response.

TALK TO FRIENDS. Friends can be good medicine. Daily doses of conversation, regular social engagements, and occasional sharing of deep feelings and thoughts can reduce stress quite nicely.

adapted from http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/bryan/webstres.htm

New York New York

In a couple of weeks I will be visiting the city that never sleeps. Yippee! I am going to the big apple for free as a traveling companion. This leads me to question why didn't I consider "traveling companion" as a career??

Oh ya, because I would miss Jeff and Francine too much. But it sure is fun every once in a while!

this confirms it: I'm a freak for small groups

I have been a bit MIA lately on my blog which is not at all like me. So why the absence?? I had a busy week planning a day long small group leaders training. We had the training on Saturday and I think that all the planning and creating of handouts was worthwhile. We had about 20 young adults learning with us about leading healthy small groups (or what Matthew's Table calls "community groups").

We separated the day into three parts: an overview of Matthew's Table's vision for community groups, basic steps to starting a healthy community group, and skills necessary for facilitating a great group. Interspersed with teaching we had lots of interactive exercises done in - you guessed it - small group format. We also had lunch, dinner, and lots of breaks with one another to build community amongst leaders.

One of the cool things is that we plan to follow up with the trainees by having monthly get togethers for encouragement, prayer, support, and further training. I am really excited that we now have a plan for MT community groups and that I get to play a part in such an important ministry.

How To Make a Difference in Your Marriage and Your Health

Do you believe that frequent fighting, or the topics of your fights, can influence your physical health? Wrong, says new research. Turns out it’s really how you fight, and how you react to and resolve conflict, that matters. And, the impact on your physical health varies dramatically, depending on whether you’re a man or a woman.

One fighting style in particular garnered special attention. So-called “self-silencing” – keeping quiet during a fight – is especially damaging to women’s health, whereas bottling it up did not have a measurable impact on the physiology of men.

A study of nearly 4,000 men and women from Framingham, Mass. revealed that 32 percent of men, and 23 percent of women typically kept their feelings bottled up during marital spats. Women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times more likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always spoke their minds.

In fact, self-silencing takes a surprising physical toll on women. Other studies have linked the trait to numerous psychological and physical health risks, including:

*Depression

*Eating disorders

*Heart disease

Additionally, the way you interact during marital arguments is as important a heart risk factor as whether you smoke or have high cholesterol, says Timothy W. Smith, a psychology professor at the University of Utah.

For women, whether a husband’s arguing style is warm or hostile had the biggest impact on her heart health.

Interestingly, the level of warmth or hostility had no impact on men’s heart health. Instead, the men’s heart risk increased if disagreements with his wife involved a battle for control – regardless of whether he, or his wife, was the one vying for control.

Psychosomatic Medicine July 18, 2007; 69(6):509-13

New York Times October 2, 2007

Found at Mercola.com. Click here.

Left or Right Brain Test

Here's my results:

Your percentage score for the right brain is 56%.
Your percentage score for the left brain is 44%.

-Apparently I am more balanced than you thought....

You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music.


For more fun try these optical illusions....

Therapeutic days

Apparently despite all my confusion over career stuff "I can't stop being a counselor." A young adult I was out with mentioned this to me as I was out with a group at the lovely local Steak and Shake. She thought my therapeutic side came out when I urged Jeff to "go connect" with a guy who was leaving our table. But then again, if you have to be a therapist to encourage connections we have a big problem.

But that is beside my main point here. The point is that I've had an amazingly therapeutic couple of days. We all need days when we feel like we are really making a difference by being alive - right? I know sometimes I just need a little encouragement that all the hard work I am putting forth as a counselor is really helping someone. And today I had one of those days.

(Thanks to God for the encouragement at a needed time.)

Why I do what I do

"Psychotherapy heals. It makes some sense of the confusion, reins in the terrifying thoughts and feelings, returns some control and hope and possibility of learning from it all. Pills cannot, do not, ease one back into reality; they only bring one back headlong, careening, and faster than can be endured at times. Psychotherapy is a sanctuary; it is a battleground..."
by Kay Redfield Jamison’s memoir "An Unquiet Mind"

What is the future of the American church?

Life Church's blog Swerve has some interesting thoughts and ideas about the future of the church in America. I think you should definitely check it out.

LifeChurch.tv:Swerve

Blog Action Day

Time-out for thoughts about the environment.

What can you do this year to help the environment?

I am trying even more to reduce waste, increase organic items, and reduce energy use. What about you?

Home Again

I returned home today after a couple of days away. One of the great things about being away is better appreciating being home! First, I was glad to see my dog. Second, I realized how happy I was to be home again.

I know that life is going okay when it feels good to come home. There was a time in my life when I returned to my then home after a trip and felt so sad to be home again. I knew then very clearly that is was time to move forward with something new. And in a matter of months I had moved on.

But for now - it's good to be home.

excessive

Traditionally the Cheesecake factory has been my favorite restaurant. They have practically anything you would want and it always feels like a special occasion when I go there (okay, not to mention any type of cheesecake you could dream of). But tonight it made me just plain angry. Not because of poor service or quality, but because it was just so excessive. Let me explain. I normally like to share a meal with Jeff, but he wasn't in the mood for sharing and really wanted a hamburger. So I ordered a basic meal of roasted chicken and vegetables. Simple enough. What I got on my plate was enough to feed a family of four. for a week. Okay, it wasn't quite that much but it was FOUR large pieces of chicken, a mound of mashed potatoes, and vegetables and fresh herbs. Not to mention the loaf of bread and butter we got first. Because we are staying in hotel room with no fridge I couldn't save leftovers.

In my mind I thought of my grandmother who lived through the depression and hates any an all waste. I ate as much as I could, but ended up wasting a lot of food. It made me really angry to be so wasteful and I wondered who in the world would need that much food?!? And where but America would someone be offered so much food for one person's meal? It is truly excessive.

Main Entry:
ex·ces·sive
Function:
adjective

: exceeding what is usual, proper, necessary, or normal

Beautiful

an acquaintance of mine happened upon this field of flowers about an hour from where I live. Can you imagine anything more beautiful?

Weddings, Vows, Committments

Jeff and I are currently in the Atlanta area for the weekend. We went to a wedding tonight. You know, weddings are wonderful in that they remind us of our own past commitments to one another. When at weddings Jeff and I always remember our own wedding - 5 years ago - and after comparing our wedding to the one currently being attended, we always think again about our vows to one another.

For Better for Worse
For Richer for Poorer
In Sickness and in Health
Till Death do us Part

At our wedding I remember insisting on traditional vows since I had been diagnosed with lupus the year previous to our wedding. Somehow Jeff promising to love me in sickness and in health meant something very real to me.

I think it's important to remember our promises. After all, life can get a little sticky, and when it does it's good to remember the commitment to get you over the hump. Right? There is a statistic that those who say they are unhappy in marriage - if they stay together - 5 years later they will say they are happily married.

So if you are unhappy in marriage right now remember your commitment and let that promise you made a while back help you over the inevitable hump.

Getting Real: what I really think

I spend way too much time trying to earn people's approval.

My dog is truly one of my best friends.

I am a little addicted to sugar. or a lot.

I get insecure about my career.

It is hard to start a new business.

I get super duper excited about community groups.

Child abuse is the worst problem in the world. or at least one of the worst problems.

Contentment is the most amazing trait.

happy world mental health day

In honor of world mental health day here are a couple web resources for your improved mental health:

The Black Dog Institute - an educational, research, clinical and community-oriented facility dedicated to improving understanding, diagnosis and treatment of mood disorders.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) - the largest scientific organization in the world dedicated to research focused on the understanding, treatment, and prevention of mental disorders and the promotion of mental health.

The Porn Talk - won two prestigious ADDY awards and offers a great resource for parents on how to talk to their kids about porn and the dangers of the Internet.

Finding Optimism - a bipolar man's blog about treatment, wellness, and awesome posts about helping others out.

marital enrichment

Jeff and I spent the last two days and 16 long hours being trained to present the Relationship Enrichment program called Mastering the Magic of Love. It was an amazing time of learning skills to enrich relationships. The big bonus is that we got to work on our relationship in the process.

One key skill we learned: the importance of understanding in a relationship. Understanding is demonstrated by reflective listening. As your partner talks you listen closely putting yourself in their place. It is the core of empathy. After your partner finishes his/her statement you paraphrase what they were saying and focus on what they were feeling. In many ways it can be so simple but trust me - it is very powerful.

You might just give it a try in your own marriage this week.

what totally sucks

when you hang out with your dad for a week and just really start getting use to him being around and then it's time for him to leave...


poop.

Interspecies love story

For all you animal lovers!

STEPHENS CITY, Va. - A stray kitten has found a new mother in a golden retriever, who began producing milk for the little feline after hearing its cries. Honey hadn't given birth in 18 months, but after her owner, Jimmy Martin, brought home the kitten, she suddenly found herself playing mom.
"She started licking her and loving her. Within a couple of days, Honey started naturally lactating," said Kathy Martin, Jimmy's wife. "The kitten took right to her, and she started nursing her." Jimmy Martin noticed the kitten, whom the family dubbed "Precious," about six weeks ago, when she ran in front of his concrete truck. After following her and realizing there was no mother cat in sight, he took her home. The kitten refused to drink from a bottle, and Jimmy's mother, Ruth Martin, feared Precious would die.
The family initially tried to keep Precious and Honey apart, fearing the dog would play too rough with the little gray-striped kitten. But Honey was elated at Precious' presence, wagging her tail and prancing all over the house trying to sneak a peak at her. Eventually, the family let Honey approach Precious, and the dog immediately took to her. The Martins said they told a veterinarian about Honey and Precious, and learned that interspecies nursing does happen on rare occasion. Precious now sometimes plays with dog bones, and Honey lets Precious gnaw on her like a puppy would. "She thinks she's a dog," Kathy Martin said. "She's really fit right in." Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.

this was just toooo fun to pass up.... go karaoke

Your Karaoke Theme Song is "Since U Been Gone"

You are a very expressive and genuine person. You're not so emotional that you wear your heart on your sleeve - but you're not afraid to show how you're truly feeling. Whether you're singing along in the car or singing on stage, your favorite songs make you get a little carried away. You're definitely the type most likely to dream of becoming a rock star! You might also sing: "Livin' La Vida Loca," "I Will Survive," or "Hollaback Girl" Stay away from people who sing: "I'll Make Love to You"

What's Your Karaoke Theme Song?

my community

After living for two years in Georgia I now have community.

I like community.

Community makes you feel like you fit.

You belong.

And what could be better than belonging?

Career and salary info

I found this website where you put in your job title and location and the site gives you average salaries for that job.

Cool.

basic decision making

Is it just me or does anyone else have this conversation when going out to eat?

a: Where do you want to go to dinner?

b: I don't know. What are you in the mood for?

a: Why do I have to decide? I asked you.

b: Well, I just want to know what you want.

a: But what do you want?

b: Hmmm. How about Italian?

a: No. It costs too much for what you get.

b: What about Asian?

a: which place?

b: the place we like

a: but we just went there

b: ok, how about Mexican?

a: I had Mexican for lunch every day this week

b: fine. what do YOU want?!?!

a: I told you. I don't really care. Whatever you want is fine.

b: !!!!!!!

I got a song in my heart

Songs that have been on my mind this week:

You make me feel like dancing - Leo Sayer

Everything - Lifehouse

Jesus lover of my soul - it's all about you - Paul Oakley

Your Name - Paul Baloche

So that's me. What song has been on YOUR mind lately???

living in the present?

It's been a busy couple of days lately with a young adult worship service, writing of a business plan, working on creating a small group training, and most importantly the visit of my Dad to Georgia for an impromptu visit. (hi dad. glad you're here.)

I have noticed that when things get busy it is easy for me to forget to

ENJOY the MOMENT!

Instead my head is full of what comes next and planning the next minute, day, week, month. Yet, I know that one of the best stress strategies is to live in the present.

So I am reminding myself for the millionth time tonight to enjoy the here and now...

"do not worry about tomorrow. each day has enough trouble."

Communication with God

Recently I have been thinking a lot about how God speaks to us. I did a whole series here about hearing from God and all. But it's still on my mind. I have been reading through the old testament the last several months and the thing that has struck me most is how God speaks to his people. So often in the ot God speaks through visions, dreams, prophets, and such.



Now, I realize that back in the day God's people didn't have his written word to turn to for God to speak through and so those avenues may have been more needed. Still, I have been fascinated with the ways God used to communicate with his people and it makes me really wonder about the ways God communicates with his people today.

Has God ever communicated to you through a dream or vision?

What did He say?