Confession

I recently found out some difficult news about my former college pastor. He was my college pastor for a couple years when I was in college and most recently has been pastoring a large church. I found out last week that he had been living a double life. While he had a wife and children he had been secretly living actively as a gay man including visits with male prostitutes.

My first reaction to this news was grief. I couldn't help thinking about the fact that yet another pastor I know had fallen to sexual sin.

My second reaction was anger. I thought about how this man was at times legalistic and would get in folks' faces about their personal sin and poor choices. And then I thought about how he was living a double life all the while.

It was then that I wanted a huge stone. A huge white jagged stone so that I could hurl it at this man with all my strength. That is the depth of evil and revenge in my own heart. For then I also heard Jesus say, "If you are without sin then be the first to throw a stone." Then I had another thought. Jesus said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. You judge him for the splinter in his eye. But you have a log in your own eye."

And it's true. I am but one action, one poor choice away from becoming this man. I am often the hypocrite. Frequently my heart is full of darkness and hatred. Yet I choose to judge and condemn others. We humans are so very broken and bitterly wounded. It is silly for us (me) to pretend otherwise.

And so I return to grief. We are all full of sin so desperate for a savior. We need a messiah to come and rescue us from ourselves.

I can't help but think that if we were more able to openly confess our sins we would be less likely to feel the need to live a double life. We could be more authentic and our public lives would be more congruent with our private lives. Nevertheless I am at a loss as to how to start this process. For aren't we also prone to throwing stones?

Any thoughts?